I need to let this out because it really is bothering me (Please no one suggest Therapy because trust me, been there, done that. Its useless in my opinion. I just want to see what others think about all this)

I’ll start off with the backstory of my brother and I’s relationship towards eachother. Growing up was hard. My dad had an addiction to alcohol and gambling. He was also a big time cheater and abuser towards our mother. (This is all from when we were babies until probably I was 15 and my brother was 16/17). Even throughout everything, I was a big time Daddy’s girl. I loved my dad and would always cry for him to change and for my mom to forgive him (Until I was probably 11 yrs old) and during that time my older brother would always have to step up for our mother. He’s grown to hate our dad (I don’t blame him because he really was a horrible man). And my brother (starting when I was 8yrs old) started to hate me as well and started to abuse me physically for not hating our dad. My brother would drag me, punch me in the chest/face/arms, he’d chase me down to the point I had to slam doors and put my weight so he wouldn’t open it (our doors locks didn’t work), he’s given me plenty of bruises and bloody noses. My older brother abused the hell out of me to the point I wanted to end my life. And I tried to... This went on from age 8-16. Mind you, yes our parents use to hit us but trust me it was No where near this kind of abuse combined from my parents.

Once I was 16, my dad was finally starting to change. Bless my mother for sticking around honestly. As I was going through Highschool, I didn’t date anyone or “talk” to any guys because I didn’t want to go through what my mom did. I wasn’t 11 yrs old anymore thinking my dad was the best man ever and I knew how strong my mom was. At 18 I got into my 1st relationship and I became pregnant. To sum it up, this guy I dated and had a child with turned out to abuse me, manipulate me, lie to me, and cheat on me. My mom and I’s bond was already good at age 16, but going through all this abuse from ages 18-22, we became even stronger. My mom gave me advise and I finally left the guy. In a way, I believe I deserved it for always loving my dad as a stupid child and telling my mom not to leave him. I begged my mom for forgiveness because it’s made me realize even MORE how strong she is and how grateful I was to have her by my side.

Well, my older brother knows of this shitty guy I dated and had a child with. He throws it in my face all the time. He may have stopped abusing me physically but my brother, each time he gets mad at me, he says I’m a piece of shit for “not taking moms side years ago” and for “loving your dad more than our mom”. I’ve told him plenty of times how I was a stupid child and I KNOW THAT. But that I have asked my mom forgiveness and how I’ve talked to her plenty of times of how it weighs heavy on me regardless if she’s past it or not.

Well now, my parents are deciding to separate. It’s a mutual feeling honestly. But knowing my older brother, he blames our dad. Basically, my dad will be leaving the house to our mom and I have decided (After a talk with My Mom first) that id offer him to stay in my home until he gets his own place. My mom was ok with it. Like I said, they mutually decided it was just time to end things and do it peacefully. Well, my brother found out what help I was offering and called me so many names. He told me again, that I always “love your dad more than our mom” (he always says YOUR DAD when he’s mad at our dad, as if to disown him for that time) and I told him I understand his feelings and whatever relationship he plans to have with our father or not but that he needs to respect my own actions and not get involved in what goes on in my home. He then told me “ok but you better tel him he has 3months to live with you or he’s out in the streets”. At that point, I just agreed so he would shut up. As the days go by, my brother is basically harassing me about it all still trying to argue with me about it all. Meanwhile our parents are still peaceful and still preparing on who gets what and such. I’m just MINDBLOWN my brother is seriously causing this Drama when there isn’t any. He brings up the past and it’s tiring.

My dad is no saint. But at the end of the day, that’s my only father. And yes his addiction lasted for 15yrs or so, but he has also been a whole complete new person the last 12 years now. My older brother doesn’t see that and that’s ok, we are all different. But the way he talks to me about it... it makes me feel more like shit about how I was a stupid 11 yr old and how I deserved the abuse I received. He talks about how I was ok with my mom being abused (obviously I wasn’t but I always forgave my dad and told my mom he’d change) but at the same time... my own brother abused me if not probably the same honestly .

I’m pregnant btw and I’m sick and tired of arguing with him over something WE don’t have to because its NOT our lives. We are GROWN. I live in my own house. He still stays with our parents house but still.

I really am tired of having an off and on good/bad relationship with him. I don’t know what to do... at this point I want to cut him out of my life for good. He’s just SO toxic. And No talking to him doesn’t work, he says such horrible things then takes it back and says he’ll stop. And if he doesn’t like something I do, he throws the past in my face....

what do you ladies think? Should I cut him off for good or just keep take it all and ignore him.

I’m sorry this is so long .... it’s just making me so tired and I just need to let it out....

EDIT : I never MADE my mom stay. I’d just cry like a stupid child saying he’d change. At the end of it all, my mom knows it was her own decision and views on why she stayed. And yes, I know my brother resents me for being a crybaby about our parents separating. But there was a time our mom found a new man(while still being married) and she was going to leave and I was ok with it (I was 14 I believe). And my older brother found out and he called our mom names and told her she better not leave our dad to go “be a slut with someone new”. SO YEA. I never threatened her to stay or called her names for trying to leave that ONE time. She ended up staying with my dad and that’s basically when things slowly started changing. My brother acts like he’s all for Not abusing Women, yet he Abused me for so long. And he acts like he’s never did anything to our mom when she did want to leave, which he has. And he acts like hell never mistreat a woman like our father did, Yet he’s controlling and when he gets drunk he verbally abused his GF.