Update - I asked my husband about this the next morning and he said he would NEVER ignore our crying baby. He went into the spare room 2 hours earlier because he couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake me with him tossing and turning in bed. But I didn’t realise because I was so tired. I don’t know why I thought I heard the bed creak while I was in the en-suite. Been sleep deprived makes me hear things. He said I would have every right to be upset with him if he ever ignored our crying baby.

I definitely do not expect my husband to get up to our baby during the night. I exclusively breastfeed and don’t want him to be up during the night and go to work tired. I was just upset because I thought he walked past our crying baby to go to the spare room, knowing I wasn’t able to get to her and he has never done that before. I didn’t think he would ever do that and he didn’t. In the past four months he has gotten up during the night if I am in the bathroom or if I can’t settle her or if he just misses me or our daughter and is awake and wants to help. He does this out of love, not because I expect him too. He does this because as much as I don’t want him to be tired at work, he doesn’t want me to be tired while I am looking after our daughter all day and night. He does this because he is her dad!!

But do you know what? Even though I don’t expect him to get up during the night. I think it’s perfectly fine to have expectations that your husband will tend to your children. We planned for and made our daughter together. She will always grow up knowing that her mum AND dad will do everything in our power to be there for her when we can. There are going to be times in her life when she’ll have to figure things out on her own, but not at 4 months. While she is still growing and learning we will both help her when we can. And we will continue to tend to her when she starts crying, not let her cry it out, because that’s our choice.

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Can you please tell me if I’m being unreasonable by being upset with him?

My baby sleeps in her cot in our bedroom and is currently in the middle of a sleep regression. She started waking at 2am and I quickly went to the toilet in our en-suite before picking her up. Usually I can go to the toilet, wash hands and be picking her up before she actually starts crying. But this morning she was crying for maybe a minute before I could get to her.

I heard my husband get up but when I came out of the en-suite my baby was still crying in her cot and and my husband had taken his pillow and gone to sleep in the spare room.

He does need to get up for work at 5am and didn’t go to bed until 10pm. So I know he’s tired and needs his sleep. But so am I. I don’t get much sleep and the moment and I’m exhausted. But I still couldn’t just walk away from my crying baby like he did. I feel like he is being so selfish by putting his own needs before comforting our baby.