Did anyone else do this?

I found online lots of victims try to get into relationships or keep in contact with their rapist or abuser because it makes the situation seem less bad.

I know that’s what I’m doing but I can’t help it. It makes the excuses easier. But in reality maybe my situation wasn’t what I originally thought it was.

I’m meeting to hang out with him tonight. My feelings are gone for him after what happened. But I just need this for closure or just to get things straight. I won’t be drunk this time so I’ll be able to leave whenever I want. He can use that as an excuse so I’m not worried anything will happen.

I just wanted to see if anyone else did this and what happened after