What do you think?

My mental health is getting worse. I went on a week vacation with my family and boyfriend and my depression basically ruined the trip. I realize that I have a lot to work on. I have gotten to the point where I’m thinking harmful thoughts and very negative. I’ve started cussing, getting angry, and being someone I don’t like.

My backstory:

I had an abusive/neglectful father, a family member molest me growing up, I’ve been raped, and the worst of it; I was in an abusive relationship for four years. I was beaten, tortured, almost everyday and ended up in a domestic violence shelter. After finally escaping, my abuser kidnapped me with a deadly weapon and I was barely able to escape again.

After getting out of that situation, I jumped into getting a job and a relationship. I never took the time to heal. In my current relationship my boyfriend has suffered an addiction, while although he has gotten past it, it just broke me. I struggle everyday and I struggle with everything I’ve been through.

This new job, is taking it’s toll on me. My boss does not keep a schedule, guilting me into staying later than scheduled, doesn’t pay me for a month at a time, expects me to drop what I’m doing to help even outside of work hours. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m supposed to get off at three and end up staying anywhere from 600PM to 830PM so I get nothing else done the whole day. When going on vacation, my boss told me I had to check in to do work remotely, and joked I just couldn’t go. It’s been a month and a week and I haven’t been paid.

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was fifteen so almost ten years and I ignored it but lately it’s just gotten worse. I have decided to stop drinking, upped my therapy to once a week (was doing every two weeks) and have a doctors appointment to look into antidepressants. I want to quit because I just mentally cannot handle all of these changes. Working on my relationship, working for my boyfriends business (which I like doing and he pays me), taking care of the house/animals, working for my boss, and taking care of my mental health. It’s all too much for me. One thing has to go and I don’t want it to be my boyfriend because he’s trying to hard for me.

Is it dumb to quit for my mental health? Should I just stick it out? I have savings, my boyfriend pays me, and said he would take over bills. I have full confidence if anything happened between us he would not just leave me high and dry. I feel like another work opportunity will always be there as well and I have the support of my family. I just want to know if I’m being a quitter. I know I need to change I just don’t think I can do it all. I never took the time to heal after my abusive relationship and that was my first mistake. Then I just kept getting worse, didn’t heal after the addiction, and now I’m just a mess. I need help and I know that and I’m ready. But I just don’t think I can do it all, especially when just starting my day or going outside takes all my strength.