Im 16 and me and my ex-boyfriend got together December 2018 but only lasted 9 months. He was my real first love though and the first and only boy I’ve ever had sex with.

Our relationship was nice i was soo happy and i had butterflies☺️ but in the middle of our relationship we just started constantly arguing mostly about his ex because he literally spoke to her everyday and she didn’t like me, she use to post little sly things about me online, my boyfriend and his friends and even my friends would send it to me and i just felt embarrassed to be honest💀my boyfriend never use to help either, i asked him to defend me once and he told me to defend myself. I just ignored her and tried not to worry about her but it caused me and my boyfriend lots of problems. There was a time when he was asking me to tease him and send him pictures (he use to do that all the time but if I didn’t want to he would start messaging me with less energy, like i knew he was upset about it) but anyway this time he asked me whilst i was at my dads house so he told me to just go in the bathroom and take pictures of my vagina and stuff. I seriously didn’t want to because im insecure about that stuff even though he’s seen it. I told him i needed to eat my dinner and he just told me to hurry up then take it. He sent me a video of him ejaculating which is why he wanted something back. When i told him I didn’t want to send any nudes he said “this is why I should go back to my ex atleast she would send it” i was so shocked. But as always he would come back hours later apologising to me with a massive paragraph.

Another reason why me and ex-boyfriend use to argue alot is because we use to have alot of sex.. literally every month so many times. And he didn’t like to use protection which scared me because at that time i was only 15 and i was so scared of being pregnant but he use to just tell me not to worry. But i did worry and i use to tell him how much im worried but soon he got annoyed and just told me to take tests. But i use to explain it to him he didn’t understand that sometimes it was too early to take a pregnancy test because my period wasn’t late yet but this just made him angry to the point where one time he told me “if your pregnant im leaving you” but of course couple hours later he came back apologising telling me he’ll never do that. he just wanted me to take the test so i could stop worrying. But sometimes i use to listen to him (cos if I didn’t he would shout at me and tell me how i never listen to him) but I’d still feel abit worried because i know the test isn’t accurate as its too early.

This actually caused so many arguments its so bad.

But we still laughed together and loved eachother so much until my boyfriend ended it with me because he told me a month before that he’s kind of losing feelings because well about 5 months before (april) I actually pranked him saying im pregnant but this was a massive joke but I apologised to him and we was normal again. But months later in like August he just comes out with it “i think im starting to lose feelings” but whenever i came over to his house and did stuff with him he would tell me he’s getting them back.💀but anyway he ended our relationship in September but never stopped talking to me. We was still in love so he always spoke to me like i was still his girlfriend and we just continued having sex and stuff even till this month we have done it. But.. me and him fell out again 2 days ago. He told me Hes lost all feelings and hes moving on but just last week he invited me to his house to do stuff to me and im literally having another pregnancy scare on my own. I told him that i wont forgive him because i feel used. He tells me he still has love for me and he always will though. But i told him to never talk to me again. And we haven’t spoken since then. I didn’t mean it though because ofc i still love him im just scared and hurt that I could be pregnant and im not gonna have him by my side. He told me im toxic and that i just want to be pregnant so that i can have him in my life forever but that’s not true i told him i dont want him.. i even told him that if im pregnant he doesn’t need to be involved or even see the baby.

So I think me and him will never talk again idk. Unless he acts like a mature boy and actually tries to find out if he’s gotten me pregnant or not. But I’ll just have to wait and see and move on. I still have some of his stuff that he gave and bought me but idk if i want to throw it out..I know throwing his stuff out will help me move on but he was literally my first real love. Apart from all the arguments me and him got on really well and we were really close