I am super embarrassed for posting this, but I want to see if anyone has slightly ever felt the same way I am. I’m currently in the midst of an abusive relationship. I’ve left and come back about a million times. I could sit here and lie and say “I know I deserve better and should leave”; but truth is, I don’t even feel good enough for him.

Anyway, the abuse has gone on for over a year. Started emotional, now physical. I actually have a counseling session today, and I was going to bring this up to her, but I’m so ASHAMED! That’s why I wanted to come here first just to see if anyone could help me understand my feelings! The thing is... I think I have began to like the abuse?? Maybe? Like I know it’s wrong and I’m don’t want to be in an abusive relationship I wish he wasn’t abusive, but I can’t get away from him. I don’t know if it’s a sexual thing for me? I can’t even explain what I’m feeling and I feel so so so so sick for even saying that. Like am I really that fucked up to like it? I feel disgusted even typing this. I’ve just never been like an “off” person I’ve been normal and now I feel so fucked up.