So this is an actual quick rant post. Not sure if it’s how I really feel. Or if my hormones are still trying to adjust after having a baby lol

First things first, I’m very thankful for my beautiful Blessing❤️ Thank you god. I pray for those who are still trying that will get their positive soon! Everyone deserves to have a little one😭❤️

Being a young mom (I’m only 23😳) to 3 handsome boys is actually easier then I would think. All of my boys are 4 years apart. My oldest has a different dad, he’s 8. So yes I had him really young. I feel like I’m 35 years old. I don’t feel my age. My SO has a son from his previous relationship too so yes 4 boys total in one household. My nights consist of Fortnite and Legos lol

Now back to my rant, I feel like this pregnancy I have been robbed... the one time my SO and I plan out this baby. My last pregnancy with my 4 year old wasn’t planned and we got pregnant when we were dating for less then 6 months. So yeah that pregnancy was a whole another story. Honestly very depressing. Fast forward to now him and I actually worked on our relationship and here were are living our lives with our boys.

Beginning of this pregnancy I got depressed. Mentally I wasn’t ready for a baby, I’m young I wanted to go see what it’s like to be someone my age. Hang out with girls and just drink. But my SO insisted that it was time for a baby to “get it” over with before the kids get any older. He wants to retire at age 40ish so yeah he was in a hurry for another baby.

In Nov we got into a domestic dispute, due to him not being able to control his alcohol and me being a crazy hormonal pregnant women I threw water while he was asleep and yeah he snapped and resulted to him spending a weekend in jail... were good now we’ve been doing couples therapy. He was doing AA meetings before this whole covid thing so he was trying. We haven’t had a problem since.

Now, we were actually trying to have a baby girl. We did the Chinese calendar, positions, certain foods. And nope life wanted to give us another boy lol at the moment I cried soo much because I didn’t wanna have anymore kids so I was like damn, I will never have a mini me... and here I am already wanting one more 😂

This whole pandemic starts, stayed home for the rest of my pregnancy, wearing masks.. not being able to do anything. Didn’t have a baby shower. Didn’t get to take maternity pics... I had him at 39 weeks and 3 days. On the day that he was born he was taken to the NICU due to him having fluid in his lungs so he stayed in the hospital for 5 days. The hospital didn’t take the newborn pics that they usually take. No visitors at the hospital, just my SO. My SO ended up leaving the next day because our baby was in the NICU and there wasn’t much we could do so I spent a day and night alone, trips to the NICU every couple hours. Going home without my baby was a sad feeling but I felt relieved he’s in better hands being at the hospital then him being home.

So I feel for the moms who have premiees and honestly so much respect for you ladies. I’m sorry that life robbed you more then I did. And sorry I mean both parents.

My SO says he’s done with kids. And I’m sad because I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy.

I’m thankful for son to be home, and little gordo is thriving!🥰 I’m obsessed with him and want to enjoy him like I enjoyed my other two boys.

Am I crazy that I want another baby in like 2 years? Lol

Here’s my diy newborn pic at 6 days old lol

Hopefully I can take family pictures before this gordo gets bigger

Sorry for my rant, it’s probably not what anyone thought of but this is what’s been bothering me since he was taken to the NICU.

Hopefully I can convince my SO for another baby later.😭❤️