What will I tell my children about my in laws?

Question

We are estranged from my in laws who are my children’s grandparents.  My fil was sexually inappropriate with me for years, mostly when I was a teen and my mil allowed it all to go on.  So we cut them out.
My mil still sends gifts for birthdays, Christmas etc and signs them as “grandma and grandpa”.  Eventually when my kids get older, I’m sure this will confuse them.  It may raise the question of who they are, why don’t we see them.  And what am I really supposed to say?
should I just remove the tag that they signed? Or put a stop to the presents? And in general what reason do I give for them not knowing the other side of the family?

Answer

Gosh that’s such a tough one! I would say you can tell a softer version of the truth! 
Let the gifts say who they are from, let them know they are loved by their grandparents, but when they ask why they don’t get to see them you can let them that unfortunately you guys just don’t get along well. That sometimes adults have to make hard decisions to keep someone around or not and you had to make the hard decision to put distance between you and them. You can mention that you are a lot happier when they are not around but that you wish the circumstances were different. 
They will ask, they will pry, all kids do. I find it’s best to be honest but also withhold the info that kids don’t need to know at a young age.

Answer

We're estranged from my husband's parents too, mainly because his father is a huge bigot, and some other reasons. We have a son now and will have another child in the future. I agree with all the comments saying just be honest, age appropriately. Good luck mama.

Answer

I'm a big fan of clear cut honesty, so based on it being age appropriate, I would be completely honest.

Answer

Honesty is always the best policy. I'm estranged from my Mother. She also sends my kids gifts. I give my children the gifts & cards. They know who they are from. But, I also let them know.... Grandma has made some very bad choices & has hurt people. I don't feel she would be a good influence on them. She has a tendency to be toxic & as a parent.... It's my responsibility to give them their best chance at life & to keep them free from any danger. As Mom... I had to make the hard choices because I love them. I asked if they had any questions... Then answered them honestly.

Answer

I would make the conversation as age appropriate as possible but I wouldn't "lie" about it. Tell them that the reason you dont see Grandma and Grandpa is because you guys had a falling out and if they ask when they're older, you can be more frank.

Answer

Depends on the age to be honest. In my case I tell my oldest (9) that my parents aren’t good people they weren’t nice and were abusive my childhood.. They have never actually meet either of my children but have offered family members money to “ meet them” and find out where I live.

What will I tell my children about my in laws?

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