Emotionally tired

I really thought this would be the cycle that I got pregnant. I've tracked ovulation, temped, charted used pre seed and took all my vitamins and folic acid. I've been trying since I was 21 years old and I'll be 30 in 2 months. Ive lost 4 babies and I just can't seem to keep it together anymore. Im not happy or myself anymore. I find myself bawling and sobbing daily. I'm happily married with two step kids and I love them to the end of this world and back but at the end of the day they have a mother and don't need me at all. I'm tired of just being a step mom. Someday I would love to hear a little voice look up at me and say mommy. I'm just venting to the world because my soul is sad and broken and I'm at a stand still in my life. I've recently had cervical surgeries which were benign and the gyno said she didn't seem to understand why I have trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant and to be honest doesn't seem like many care. I know it breaks my husbands heart to watch me cry all the time about it. I just don't know what to do at this point. We take breaks from trying from time to time but each time it seems to get harder. I just want to be happy again and not this soul searcher finding my place in life. I'm so ready to go to heaven to hold the babies that I lost in my arms forever so I know I never have to let them go again. I try to talk to my family about it but they all have kids and never had to go thru this so they don't really understand and most don't really care. I almost feel like I'm alone in this big ol world and the sadness has weighed me down so much that I can't get back up. Again just venting because I don't really have anyone I can pour my heart out to that's not tired of hearing my broken record. Thank you to everyone that took the time to read this and God bless.