6th pregnancy after 3 losses


I have two healthy children, 5 & 3. My losses began after them. The first was a TFMR at 13 weeks, then a miscarriage and then I’m pretty sure I had a chemical pregnancy. Now I am 5 weeks very unexpectedly. Had my second blood draw today, trying not to feel all of the panic (no results yet). My first blood draw had an HcG of 477 which wasn’t all that reassuringly high, but higher than when my blood test for my miscarriage was only at 52 then went to 50 so I’m hopeful that is a good sign. Basically over analyzing everything trying to find hope but also being terrified to hope.

We were not planning or thinking of this at all. We’ve said we’re done for so long. We traded in our SUV for a sedan just a couple of months ago because we didn’t need the space for a 3rd car seat. I’ve long been rid of my maternity clothes. The crib both of my kids used is gone, same with their bassinet. We closed this chapter in our minds. We accepted that it was too painful (I also had ppd after my second child so that’s a fear too). This is our last chance, a chance we hadn’t planned to take, but what I wouldn’t give for it to happen. Either way, my husband will be planning his vasectomy. Another loss will be another too many and another child will be more blessing than we ever anticipated. Either way, this is it.

It doesn’t feel real. When the first blood draw said I was pregnant, I just tried to wrap my head around it. Two positive at home tests and my mind was like nah, it’s a fluke. But hearing that my blood draw was definitely positive. It’s just unreal. I’m just about every emotion there is.