I gave birth to my stillborn baby in August 2019. Needless to say, my husband and I were devastated. It was our first child. Fortunately, I have been to the doctor over the last 10 months. Lots of bloodwork has been done. In April, I found out I have an autoimmune condition that can be managed with meds and I can go on to have healthy pregnancies. It was the best news I’ve ever received.

Flash forward to Mother’s Day. My FIRST Mother’s Day. It was a very heavy, very emotional day. I spent the morning at my baby’s grave. Luckily, my best friend was with me. Her mother passed away last year. My baby’s and her mother’s graves are very close in proximity. So we braved the storm of our first Mother’s Day “without” together.

And then there is today: Father’s Day. My husband mentioned it this morning. He’s not overtly sad, but he’s reflecting and being open about what he’s feeling, which is good. I, on the other hand, am having some of the same feelings I had on Mother’s Day today.

On top of this, we started TTC again last month. Didn’t conceive last month. I am still in the TWW this month. 11 DPO today to be exact and got a BFN this morning. I wanted to be pregnant today so badly bc what better day than Father’s Day to tell my husband? But it was negative and I’m starting to feel like I’m out this month.

I have so many emotions going on right now and I just needed to vent. So thanks to anyone who read this entire thing and comments. Words of encouragement are definitely needed right now. 😭