SIL Told me my son’s behavior is “concerning”

Claire

We spent the weekend with my in-laws and my son is 19 months old and my brothers son (let’s call him Tommy) is almost 24 months.

Their son Tommy is talking in full sentences, eats at a kiddie table with a fork, doesn’t throw his food, is potty trained, he’s a bit whiny and cries a lot and is super clingy to his parents but is overall very well behaved.

My son (let’s call him Ryan) is still eating in a high chair, if he sits at a kiddie table he climbs on top of it, he throws his food, dumps out his bowl of Cheerios, is in diapers still, has tantrums and is very picky when he eats. I have to have my iPhone playing cocomelon videos to get him to eat because he gets so distracted by everything else going on. He says a few words, mostly animal sounds, and the beginning of a few words “b” sounds for bus and ball, oooo for hello... My son also hits and shoves the other kids when he plays. He hasn’t played with a kid in 5 months since the quarantine started (he had the flu before it started so we were already home for a bit) so he has zero social skills with kids his age.

Their son was in daycare and they are very strict with him. He still cries it out at night to sleep. My son is home with me everyday and sleeps in bed with me and my husband. He’s an only child.

Today my sister in law saw my son having a tantrum and my son started purposely banging his head on the couch. He does this to get my attention which he isn’t lacking at all. She made a face and said to me “this is very concerning. If I were you I’d reach out to his pediatrician and have him evaluated.”

I shrugged her off and said he’s just having a tantrum and does this because he has no words yet. I’ve googled it many times and so many mums have said their sons do it too and eventually stop.

But wtf am I doing wrong? I feel like a shit mom and now I’m paranoid that something is wrong with my son.