As I said I need to just get this out there. And if there's advice it's appreciated, but otherwise I just say fuck it to the whole thing.. Pardon my language. It's just been hard. This will be long. Brace yourselves..

So about March or April, right around when the pandemic was hitting but hadn't quite made it big in the US, my partner and I went to visit his mother. We were having a good time, talking, she was letting us use her washing machine for some towels so we didn't have to spend $6 a load at the laundromat (our washer broke, but is now fixed), it would've been a total of $18 to do everything, it was a good time.. up until she started trying to ask why we didn't like our landlord. We have various issues with him, I'm new to the area so I'm trying to understand the law of the area, I've done quite a lot of research.

I try to explain things and we ended up arguing. It felt like she wanted to argue and I come from a very stubborn and argumentative family, it can be very hard to catch myself and I should have. But if I told her "the landlord isn't allowed on the grounds unless it is 9AM-6PM Monday thru Friday according to my city's statutes" she would try to argue and talk about how he has the right to access his own property and he can go into xyz areas if he wants to, whenever he wants to, it's his property. She tried using the argument of her father being a landlord to a similar household in that it is a two person household. Things just blew up irrationally. My partner tried to come in and say something, to help explain what I was saying, and I snipped at him in our private way, I don't want him speaking over me because I tend to lose track of what I was saying. His mother took that to be at her and decided to kick us out and said something weird when she did "I see what you did to my mother, you won't do it to me" and honestly... I have nothing but love for my partner's grandma. She is a wonderful person, a few flaws from the era she grew up in, but she's still very kind. I didn't know what that even meant. I left and waited in the car, she pulled her son into the house and started crying about how I was going to keep him from her (I've been the encourager of their new relationship since I moved out here, they used to never speak and he used to never want to tell her anything) he left and joined me. I took a day to calm down. Then I texted her. So it was 2 days later in total when i texted. I knew speaking on the phone may lead to more yelling, it is the person she is and our personalities do not mix, she is very prone to gaslighting people and trying to manipulate them, I don't tolerate that and again I'm stubborn. So I apologized and explained my side of things in my message. She thanked me, apologized as well, said she needed peace in her life, I told her I understood and that's all I want too, I also said I didn't understand what she said as I have nothing but love for her mother, she didn't explain just said they loved me too, we left off smiling.

Little side info: my partner, his father (divorced), and I all live together. His father travels a LOT for work. Some hard things have happened to have me move in with them and fortunately his dad has been an amazing rock through it. He let's me live with them rent free until i can find a job, but I cook, clean, do dishes, drive him around when he asks (he doesn't own a car) and basically just all the household care I do. He does some here and there, but I mainly do it.

Back to the story.. my partner's father came home the day when I took my little breathing break from that initial argument. We had a nice day altogether. We ate a nice dinner, came home, spoke a while, and then went to bed. The next day his dad goes out drinking. We had to go pick him up he was so drunk. We get home and he automatically starts to talk about how if we need to do laundry again to not ask my partner's mother and that if we really really need to only his son should go. There was another argument that night. That night i found out his mother had called his father, trying to ask what I I pay in rent, telling him to kick me and her son out so that we "understand what the real world is like". He refused her but he still in a way encouraged her. In my eyes, he could listen to her complain and vent, but in the end should have told her to speak to us about if she doesn't want us over again or not. He created a new problem that didn't need to be there because he wants to "keep the two of them (mom and son) talking".

Time passes, we talk mainly to my partners little siblings. We do little stuff with them and each time when we come over his mother is always upstairs in her room. She refuses to come out. Then everytime after we leave we get a call asking why he hadn't come up to see her. He always responds with "I didn't know if you were sleeping or not, if you knew I was there why didn't you come down?" And it's always that she was tired.

Fast forward to May. Mother's day. My mother recieved a card and letter from me as well as a phone call, I'm too far away to visit easily. She loved them. Appreciated them. We bought my partner's mother a vase with a parrot design since she just had a friend give her a beautiful parrot feather, we thought it would fit well together and we got her a card. Coronavirus was fullblown now. My state was on lockdown and my partner did not feel well that day. So we decided to put our gifts on the porch and call her as soon as we got home. Instead we get a text from his mom saying "Really?" And us both being confused. He tried calling as soon as we were home, she refused to answer. Then she sent a text about how she was so incredibly hurt and how could he possibly think that was okay to do? And how could he be so thoughtless and disrespectful? My partner tried to respectfully explain everything to her and she wouldn't hear of it. She said "I don't know who you are anymore, you don't answer my phone calls, or reply to my texts until the 5th message. I'm done trying to reach out to you and talk to you. Until you fix the problem you're on your own". So. My partner answers every single phone call he gets from either parent. If he misses a call he panics and calls them back immediately. My partner has NEVER been one to call his mother, ever, in his life. Like sure the occasional question call or whatever but never to talk like she is implying. And it has been rare. With texts, again, never really been one to text his mother that actually only started happening recently where he would text her happy moments in our life because we were together and he felt like his mom was finally trying with him. This broke my partner entirely. His own mother just basically told him I'm a problem between them and need to get out or she won't talk to him again. Where do I get that? Honestly some of the other shit in the messages she was saying. And how she has tried to ice me out and he has refused to let her. And just the wording of the "until you fix the problem" part... I just hate life. I hate feeling like I'm keeping them apart and like I caused a divide but who let's 1 argument affect them so severely this way? It is so childish to me.. my partner wants me and refuses to leave me. He told his dad his mom refuses to talk to him and it's just "you know your mother" response.. idk what the future is going to be like and I I don't want to deal with it because idk how. God help me..