So it's only 10:30am where I am and I'm already having the worst day ever. Today is the anniversary of my Mams death. Its 5 years today since she unexpectedly left us so quickly. Today is always a hard day for me. I bought flying lanterns for my brother, my niece, my nephew and myself so we could write little notes and send them off to her tonight. I thought that might help. I had some family message me to tell me they were thinking of me today. One of those family members my Aunty also told me she had some great news for a change and then she told me her daughter my cousin is pregnant.

This cousin I grew up with like sisters. She's been pregnant before but she wasn't ready so she had an abortion. She told me this after I told her I couldn't have children on my own. That hurt but I never let it show. When my Aunty text me today telling me I wanted to be happy but all I feel is so much pain. I don't know why but this is probably the hardest pregnancy I've ever had to hear about. I'm devastated. Why did she have to tell me today of all days too. No one knows I'm going through

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>

right now but they know I can't conceive without help and I just thought it could have been handled more sensitively. I feel like they've forgotten what I'd told them.

I don't know if I'm just being overly emotional or if this is a rational feeling but I feel like I'm dying inside. I don't know what to do with this feeling. I know my issues have nothing to do with anyone else and their pregnancies and I want to be happy. How do I do this? 😭😭😭😭😭😭

She's also been in hospital a few times because of severe morning sickness and I want to be able to be there for her but I don't know if i can without crying.