Ready for a Baby...Husband not.

I'm emotionally ready to have a baby. I LOVE children- I am an infant-toddler teacher and a preschool teacher... With COVID, my school shut down and won't open for a few more months. My only only only passion is working with little ones. It is my joy...

I used to get that fulfillment at work, but now that I haven't worked in 3+ months, I don't feel that joy or fulfillment. I don't feel like I give meaningful contributions to society or to home. I have had dreams every night for 2 months, that either I was pregnant, or we were parents already...

I just want a baby SO MUCH.

We have been married for 4 years (together 8 years) and we just bought our first home a few months ago.Together, we have decided to wait 4-5 more years for children (we are 25) for financial purposes, and for the purpose of travel, and getting to simply be together...And because we both know, he is not ready. Simply not ready to be a selfless as a baby deserves a parent to be. I get that!

Well, COVID cancelled that... Our first times traveling (4 vacations we had saved for were planned during these months of COVID), financial security, and exploring the world together...That possibly moves our baby timeline up.

Last night, I finally lost it and just began crying to my husband that I wanted to be a mom. I was keeping it to myself for weeks because he normally gets freaked out by the mention of babies...

He grabbed me and held me tight and said "I know baby. I know." When I had stopped crying, he looked me in the eyes and said "I know you are ready to be a mama...That's who you are meant to be. A mama... We aren't there yet, but you will be the best mama when the time comes. I'm sorry we can't be ready now, but soon. We'll revisit the timeline next year. Then the next... It's not in stone. I love you."


While that isn't a total solution, I just felt acknowledged and really just felt selfless empathy from him. I adore him.

Edit: The 4-5 years isn't just his decision. It is mine as well. I go to school full time (Finish my BA in Dec 21) and then will be persuing my Masters afterwards... I also work 40 hours a week (outside COVID) As much as I want a baby NOW, it is not viable option for either of us.