Fucking over it

Since my fiancé and I have moved into our apartment, he’s maybe done a few dishes, washes laundry, and take garbage out. Aside from that - I do EVERYTHING else. Now if I were with a MAN who picked up after himself once in a while and all I had to do was dishes, vacuum, hang clothes, and clean the bathroom, I wouldn’t mind chores so much. But he is a total slob. He’ll kick clothes off and leave them scattered around all over the place, he does all the cooking because he likes to cook, but he’ll dirty up every dish and every surface and leave it, he doesn’t ever throw garbage away - mail, empty cigarette packs, diapers, wrappers, literally nothing. We both work second shift 2-12 pm, and have a child so during the week it’s really hard to tidy up everyday before work and often times the mess accumulates until I can dedicate the time to thoroughly clean (although Wednesday’s I usually have to do some dishes otherwise it’ll literally take me HOURS if I save it all for the weekend) and often times downstairs is SO FUCKING FILTHY, I put all my energy into cleaning the areas people will actually see, that upstairs gets super neglected. Luckily we don’t spend much time up there, so aside from the bathroom, upstairs doesn’t need much attention often - but in the past year we’ve been here, I’ve maybe cleaned the bathroom 2 or 3 times because I just don’t have the time or the energy to get up there and scrub it even though at this point, it really could use it. Usually I have to use 3 day weekends to get to areas of our home that I can’t get to on normal weekends. I can never just laze about and relax.

Our workplace was deemed essential because we make medical appliances and recently we’ve been on mandatory overtime, more so in his department than mine. So while he’s at work, I’m home alone with our toddler, and yet I still manage to feed him breakfast and lunch, bathe him, get him down for a nap, and hardcore clean the kitchen, dining room, and livingroom before he gets home. Well today I had to work overtime. I had really high hopes that maybe just MAYBE he would just stay home and hangout with our son after talking about how excited he was to have the day with him and maybe he’d pick up for me a little bit. I knew damn well the kitchen wouldn’t get touched though. Conveniently the main room he absolutely destroys is the one room he never touches cleaning wise. And I really wasn’t surprised when I texted him on break and asked him how he and our son was doing and he responded by telling me he was running an errand and our son was with grandma. Typical. He does that every time. I stg my fiancé has NEVER had our son alone for more than a couple hours. So I was still a little annoyed but really wasn’t a shock to me so I let it go. I also accepted that that meant chances are he wouldn’t go home until it was time to get me so while the apartment wouldn’t be any messier than it was when I left, it wouldn’t be clean either. So he shows up at work to get me and as soon as I open the door I’m smacked in the face with the stench of baby poo. He could’ve pooped in the car so I didn’t say anything but I asked my fiancé how our picky eater ate today. I should’ve known not well, considering my son was screaming bloody murder the moment he saw me. My fiancé tried to feed our son the remainder of his breakfast which he wasn’t a fan of at 7 AM, so of course he threw it on the ground and instead of trying to get him to eat something else, said fuck it and dropped him off with his mom so he could go run his errand. (Luckily she got him to eat but that was around noon and I didn’t get out of work until 5) so poor bug had hardly eaten in the 10 hours he had been awake. Furious. But okay. No big deal. I’ll feed him when I get home. But first - diaper change. Well he must’ve been sitting in that shitty diaper for HOURS because it was like clay and my sons bottom was so red. No wonder he was screaming in the car. So I gave him a bath, took care of dirty laundry, came down stairs, fed my son, picked the livingroom up (which I’ll have to do again because my son pulled ALL of his toys out) picked the kitchen up, put dinner away, vacuumed and did A round of dishes. The rest I’m leaving for my fiancé to do. Although he’ll probably only wash them as needed other wise they will sit there unless I do them. Which I’m not going too. And I hung my clothes up and put our sons away and left his neatly folded in the laundry basket. If he wants them hung, he can hang em him damn self. I’m sick of feeling like I’m just a maid around here. I’ve tried talking to him about evening out the work load and it goes in one ear and out the other. No matter how many times I beg, plea, and cry about how exhausted I am because of the enormous workload I have, he doesn’t seem phased. Just gets defensive and shifts the blame on me for always complaining “that never is ever good enough”. I feel really unappreciated. And I’m starting to feel a little resentful truthfully. So I’m going to take a different approach. I’ll pick up after myself and our son but as far as my fiancé’s shit - it can stay right where it is. As long as it’s out of the way and out of our sons reach, I’m not touching it. He’s finna learn just how fed up I am the hard way.

So I’ve been up since 7, worked 11-5, and then came home and worked some more and here it is - 9:10 and I’ve just sat down for the first time today with the exception of my 20 minute break and the 5 minutes it took me to eat dinner. I’m beat 😭😞 and do you think my fiancé got our son in bed? Nope. So I’ll have to brush his teeth and out him down AND then pick the toys up AHAIN before I can actually relax for the rest of the night. So for maybe 3 hours before I pass out. And tomorrow is grocery shopping. So there goes my weekend. Thank gawd we have next Friday off. I am in desperate need of a 3 day weekend. Maybe one where for once, I can kick back and enjoy instead of being the house bitch all weekend long. End rant.