What is wrong with me?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 4 years. A month before our wedding we started having problems with our sex life, him not wanting to have sex with me that much. This has now been going on for the last 4 years. Everything else in our marriage is amazing.
This last year has been the hardest on our marriage because I finally got sick of not feeling wanted or beautiful to him. He never tells me I'm beautiful, sexy, pretty or hot. The most nice thing he will say is I look nice but that's very rare. I ask him things that will make him more turned on and he says things like he finds it hot when I work out, or if I had more self confidence or when I wear short shorts or if I initiate sex. I do those things and nothing changes. If I initiate it he usually tells me no he doesn't want to.
Back to the hardest year of our marriage. We fought so much the first 4 months of this year. Than finally things started to look up. He actually seemed turned on by me and seemed to enjoy our sex. We had a lot of sex most of it was initiated by him. He said nice things about my looks and even walked by grabbing my ass on a few occasions saying I'm hot. Well for about the past 3 weeks or so again he seems uninterested in me and doesn't say anything nice about my appearance. We are still having a little more sex than we used to but he doesn't seem into it. 
My husband has said all I care about is sex but I don't feel like that's true. It's just the only problem in our marriage is sex. My question is their something wrong with me that I care so much about our sex life? Sometimes I get mad if we don't have sex, which leads to an argument. I'm afraid to initiate sex because I don't feel sexy enough and when I have initiated it, he tells me no. This has me waiting around for him and most the time he just goes to sleep and I'm mad about that. 
Should I just try and get over it since everything else in our marriage is good? Also I didn't start really getting mad at him about it until this year so me hounding him about it wasn't the issue.( Until maybe this year.) Any advice is welcomed and please let me know if I'm just overreacting and I need to get over it.

Answer

I am just wondering what will be the advices and if they would be the same if we change the roles and instead of a woman wanting more sex  not feeling desired,arguing about it and getting upset it was the man.
Everything stay the same, we just change the roles.

Answer

Have you considered counseling? Would he be willing to go?

Answer

Never try to tell yourself you need to just "get over" something thats so big you feel it's affecting your marriage consistently. You don't have to roll over just because it's a point of contention. Sex is important in a marriage! Feeling wanted and attractive by your spouse is important!
At this point I'd recommend couples counseling. It seems like there's a disconnect somewhere and you guys aren't able to see eye to eye or communicate in a way the other can understand or hear. It happens! Marriage is work and these can be normal speed bumps that come up, especially early on when you are still learning how to communicate and ask for what you need etc.
Especially because sex is such a sensitive topic. We are almost up to our 4 year anniversary and sex is still the most sensitive awkward thing to discuss if either of us has a problem to bring up. My husband often will get uncomfortable and deflect and try to change the subject. I don't know why. It's just a hard thing to talk about for some people. 
 A counselor can help translate the messages for both of you to understand each other better and teach you tools to use at home.

Answer

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m wondering if your husband has depression or low testosterone? Perhaps he should see a dr. 
Are the two of you open to counseling? This seems like a pretty big issue to just work out amongst yourselves.

Answer

How long were you together/engaged before getting married? Not being compatible physically I think can be a big stressor on relationships. If you weren’t together very long before getting married (like less than 2 years) it could be that the honeymoon phase was fading out, and you just don’t have the same sex drives on a regular basis. However, that wouldn’t also explain the not complimenting you or seeming attracted to you. I agree with another comment, maybe try counseling. A safe environment where you can talk with someone to help mediate the conversation could be a big help. Couples and single sessions could help too, bc there could be some things you both want to talk about but not want to say with the other present.

What is wrong with me?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey