Okay so as everyone knows by now, i have a job im starting next week and its part time.. which is what i wanted. But i have the biggest anxiety attack now thinking about how im supposed to this when it gets closee to baby and afted delivery... i have really bad anxiety and depression but my anxiety has been very overwhelming because my fiance just started a new job making $3 more than his last job and he isnt put out of work if the weather is bad or for holidays and every so many months he gets raises. Which he works with people he knows and the owner of the company already loves him which is good! And how him alone can support us with everything, of course im going to keep working until closer to our daughter being born. Because even though we are getting married and he's the man and more than happy to supply everything i still feel horrible if he pays for everything. Which i know i have to get used to because it does bother him that im so "i need my own job and own money" but its something from my childhood that i struggle with. But. He now works longer hours and sometimes he can work until 1 am and go to work at 5am. And so we are trying to get a house or apartment closer to his job. But.. the problem for me is before he switched jobs me and him talked about it and i would go to work the hours he wasnt working. That way one was home with her at all times. And we wouldn't need as much help from people. But then his mom started talking about how it wouldn't work and about how he would be too tired and he said well i can just call you and you can take care of her... and that sent me into a major panic attack. Like no. I dont want anyone else raising my daughter or taking my place and his mom is already too attached to her kids and gets mad that they're all adults and feels abandoned.. so i could only imagine how it would be if she was taking care of my daughter every night.. and it may sound selfish or stupid but it causes me so much anxiety i fight tears!! So now im stressing so badly.. and it made me really think... do i really want to work when shes younger or work when shes in school? Like me and her father agreed? We are spacing our kids out and we only want maybe 3 of our own or just foster and adopt after we have our daughter for a bit. But i cant get over over. panic and anxiety of the whole working and leaving my child... because i wanna breastfeed but the job im getting there isnt time for that or pumping... like this is something that's really bothering me. So i just plan to save as much as i can until i can no longer work and hopefully figure out a stay at home job possibly. But also, his parent's are horrible with money, and they're always broke and even with us trying to get our own life setup they have him for their storage cause they cant afford it.. and he will give his dad money or mom money without informing me until after and sometimes i find out through his mom.. like i get it but they cant expect you to carry their stuff while we grow out family. we have a car and house to get, baby essentials and necessities, on top of our bills, and a wedding to pay for, and both parents work but his moms money goes to her new car she got, and his dad works and pays bills but also has a problem with gambling so sometimes money goes to that instead of bills.. i know i shouldn't feel like this because when i was with my family, anyone who worked helped out with bills, but we didn't pay more than what was fair and that was split between 4 adults. And my family made sure that the bills and rent and food were taking care of and the kids had what they needed before anything else. So i get helping family, but i feel like there comes a time when you have to put your own family above anything else. Like im going to put him and our daughter above anything and anyone else. The bills and savings and have to have things will be bought before anything else.

Please tell me im not being over the top.