Advise Please! (Longish post warning)

Hello - so I’m not sure on where to start. However before I ever got pregnant I wanted a boy - and then when i was pregnant something in me switched and I really hoped it was a girl. I had convinced myself I was going to have a girl.

Well come that gender ultrasound - sure enough it’s a boy. I felt my heart sink. I felt so disappointed, but not only in the fact that it was a boy but in myself. Because I wanted this baby how could I even care if it’s a boy or a girl only the fact that they were healthy.

Well I feel like I came to terms with it, I love my son more than life it’s self. He will be 2 at the end of this month and I warship the ground he walks on...

However... everyone I know has girls. My sister announced she’s pregnant. Well come to find out it’s a girl and here I am envious... why?! I shouldn’t be... it’s stupid and childish and just insane. Because I swear I love my child, everything about him. But I need this feeling to go away and stay gone!

Has anyone else had this.. and what did you do to get this feeling gone and stay gone?! I really need to know because I feel so horrid about myself when I do, and I then feel like what if my son can tell. Idk it’s crazy I know.. but please help!!