I am sorry in advance for the long paragraph :

I’m 21 year old female, I am 5’1, and I weigh 120-123 pounds. I normally am between that range. I used to suffer from bikini and anorexia nervosa, was never treated for it because none of my parents knew about it.

Recently I saw a dietician and she was concerned about my moms approach to my weight. She diagnosed me with two eating disorder in October. I used to be overweight (according to my mom), I used to weigh between 140-145 lb and I lose weight over summer because I had surgery and couldn’t really prep my mess so I ate what and when my mom fed me.

Right now I’m 122 lb and this morning at 10:30 I had cereal with some banana and strawberries, and around 1pm my mom made my family some pizza (mostly vegetables and sauce and little cheese). I had two small slices and was about to go for a 3rd when she said “I know you’re not gonna like what I’m about to say but I have to. You ate breakfast at 10:30 am and you’re already eating lunch?”

I was so fed up. I just said ok, threw the plate away and washed my hands in the sink. I started to tear up and walking out of the bathroom my mom saw and was like “yeah go ahead cry” and I had no words.

I’m so frustrated. The o my time my mom talks to me is when it concerns my weight or school work. I honestly cannot remember a single convo took recently that was about anything else. She’s obsessed with my weight to the point that she signed me up for MAX workout training program (which is how I tore my acl) and out me on a strict diet. I used to have a joint bank acct with my dad so everything I bought (food or anything) they could see.

My mom doesn’t hesitate to remind me that I need to at least weigh 115 pounds and I keep telling her that now I’m in physical therapy I’m going to be gaining more muscle and that muscle weighs more than fat so the number on the weighing scale isn’t a good thing to go by. I constantly have told her to maybe look into a personal trainer that way I could progress my weight and see fat to muscle ration and stuff like that. She is just convinced that the weighing scale is the way to go and at least 6-7 times a day reminds me of my weight.

It’s come to the point where I’m afraid to even drink flavored seltzer in front of her and I have to ask her if I can have that or if I can have some watermelon juice. I’m honestly afraid to eat I doesn’t of my mom and at this point I’m tired, and it seems better not to eat at all.

I’m so tired of it. And I’m so scared that I will fall into my old habits again and I’ve told her that too. That I’m scared she’s going to one day too much and I’ll push myself back over the edge. I used to suffer from major depression and anxiety and this is definitely not helping. She constantly reminds me that my metabolism is slow and that partially because I once overdosed 7 years ago and my body wasn’t the same after that. I can’t change what’s happened but I don’t need to be reminded daily of it.

What do I do? I’ve spoken to her, I sought a dietician who in turn even voiced her concerns to my dad who spoke to my mom. But nothing seems to be working and I’m honestly so damn frustrated.