I'm no longer in this relationship, but I've been taking the time to really look at everything because I keep wanting to go back but know I shouldn't. I'm trying to make myself see that I do deserve BETTER!

This was a long distance relationship for over a year, had only met in person once. Here are some of the issues we had:

- would disappear on sundays, maybe text twice and would never call on sundays. Claimed to be shopping with his mom but wouldn't return home until after midnight when most stores and restaurants were closed. He would also "fall asleep" and not let me know that he'd made it home or tell me goodnight. This happened frequently

- on video chat, I never saw his house. He would intentionally point the camera toward the ceiling when walking around and get mad if I did the same. I always had to be showing my surroundings. I asked for over a year to see the bathroom he had gutted and redone himself, he always made excuses not to show me.

- this may be nothing, but it honestly just didnt match his personality, feminine bedding, dishes, even the print on the crock pot. No hate. He just portrayed himself as very machismo.

when he came to visit me:

-he stayed at my place for 5 days. He brought 2 phones, one he claimed was a work phone. I know he had a work phone, but his job was hvac and not something you could fool with remotely, so why would you bring it 2 states away? This was also not a personal business. He worked for a very large corporation and bad requested the time off so contact with his work wasnt needed..

- he would go for a "walk" outside my apartment for like 20 minutes every night around the same time, usually after 10 or 11 PM. He claimed his legs were cramped from the plane or that he was hurting in general. He never did this at home and would'nt allow me to go with him. I also realized that he snuck the "work phone" out with him. One night he took my car keys because he forgot his charger in my car. I found him sitting in my passenger seat 20 minutes later running my car because he "got cold" but my apartment is like 30 ft from the parking lot.

- he refused to leave anything here with me (I'm sentimental and wanted to keep one of his tshirts)

Theres more but that's enough for now. After he got home things were good for a while. My 18 year old cat, who I'd had since she was born passed in january and i was heart broken. Instead of comforting me, he ignored my calls all night as she was dying after he promised to call me. As the months went by he would make comments about me being "up the cats ass all the time" and that I needed to stop being so upset. She was medical special needs the last 5 years of her life and I put a lot of time and love into caring for her..when she passed I had her cremated and he made fun of me for it. He constantly used my mental health against me and when I would talk about wanting to get help he would criticize spending money on something like that so I never did.

When I talked about wanting to go back to school he called me fucking crazy. (I currently have a bachelor's in criminal justice but wanted to go to nursing school to work in prison medical)

When I broke up with him he told me to "go get some help" after he'd been telling me not to for a year. All of this is awful and I know I deserve better. I havent talked to him in weeks, blocked and deleted everything. I'm mad at myself for letting someone bring me down like that.