Hello ladies,

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have a vaginal cyst right at the opening.. It appeared when I was 20 weeks, so just last week when I spoke to the dr. She told me not to have intercourse, and I made sure to let my husband know. It has been very uncomfortable and even before the dr. told me anything it was painful to have sex, but I’d still let him because he wanted to. Well, he always wants to do anal or just handle me however he wants. I told him yeah but he just has to be careful. If he’s doing anything to me, sexual Intercourse, to oral sex.. he gets upset that I “complain.” That’s how he puts it. I can’t tell him what I like or don’t like because he takes that as complaining, then tells me I kill the mood which is pretty hurtful. This is my third pregnancy, and after I had my 2nd baby, I was just never the same down there and I’ve told him that. In the past he watched excessive porn and I always felt like he’s lost touch with reality and thinks sex with me should be like in those porn videos. I told him It’s not my fault I got the cyst or that he’s being so rough that i can’t enjoy it. Then I told him to find another partner if I don’t make him happy and go have sex with them. Honestly he’s hurt me so bad emotionally, aside from this subject that sometimes I don’t even want to have sex or be intimate with him in any way. I cannot make my body do something if I am not enjoying it and instead of understanding me he gets mad. He will even bite my nipples so hard that I’ve honestly slapped him, not gonna lie. It was just a reaction and he knows I don’t like him biting me that way. He also complains that I won’t let him give me hickies all over my neck. He just goes overboard with everything and I honestly never liked going around with a purple neck, not attractive. I’ve changed a lot since being with him also, because it bothers him when I show cleavage or just dress nice and wear makeup. When we’re out he’s checking out other girls and looking at every inch of their body, but wants me to look like a bum. I don’t understand how he can watch porn, check out other girls, and even flirt, but wants me to cover up and not catch anyone’s attention. It’s ridiculous! But yet, he tells me I’m controlling because In the past I’ve asked to respect me and not do certain things because they were hurtful. He used to go through my phone even tho. I never had anything to hide, but would never allow me to touch his phone...so I put a password on my phone and he got so mad, so he did the same but he changes his password every week. He did that even when he had my password so I just made my phone completely off limits to him. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not really sure how this marriage is supposed to work because when he has his phone locked he was talking to his ex and only god knows who else. Part of me is just numb from everything he’s put me through and I have been considered ending this marriage. I just feel like it’s toxic and neither one of us is Happy, so what is the point? The only reason I haven’t left is because I have no support from my family and nowhere to go with my kids. I am a student and housewife, so I don’t have a job either. And the way things are out there with this virus going around I have to protect myself and my family. What really affects me is the level of disrespect from his side. We both have a child from a previous relationship, so that’s very tough as well. He is racist and has made rude comments about my child because he is half black. And his son doesn’t like me just because I’m not his mom. His son seems bipolar because he will go from talking to me nice and getting along with me, to rolling his eyes at me and ignoring me or making rude comments. I still do everything for him, but I started to keep my distance and sometimes not even acknowledge him. I can’t tell him anything because husband will get mad at me instead of him. 2 days ago I asked him to talk to his son and I told him how he’s so rude to me and only joked with me or plays around with me when he’s in the mood, and if he was going to be in this house he needs to respect me because I’ve done nothing wrong to deserve such treatment. Well, his answer was “I don’t have anything to talk to him about.” So I asked him, “ you don’t care that anyone disrespects your wife?” He just walked away and the conversation ended. Everyone in this house is disrespectful to me, even my own children. But the kind of disrespect is the same that my husband gives me, so where are my children or his son supposed to learn respect if they see inappropriate behavior from my own husband!? I used to argue with him before about respecting me and how things weren’t going to be done his way just because he’s the man. But now I just ignore him when he treats me unfair, and I mind my own business.