I guess this is more of just me venting and hoping there’s someone out there going through the same thing...

We’ve been together 10 years and married almost 5. I’ve always wanted to be a mother even before I got into the dating world, but I’ve had serious baby fever for the past 3 years or so. Now that I have just turned 30 (husband is 29) I’m terrified it’s too late for me/us.

It’s a constant, hard pill to swallow. Or am I being to hard on myself?

Before everyone jumps down my throat about “really sitting down and talking with my husband about: finances, expectations, roles, feelings, etc.” Trust me. We’ve been there. Multiple times. And it always results in me simply having to be patient with him until he’s “ready.” But how long is too long?... Do I need to “push” him in the right direction? Or not do anything at all? I just want him to want it as badly as I do. I know it sounds selfish, but it’s the darn truth.

We are both Christians and saved ourselves for marriage (yeah that’s still a thing) so for me—before we got married—I always viewed sex as “bad,” so I think it’s the same stigma for him with getting pregnant being viewed as “bad.” That may sound really immature for a couple of 30 year olds, but I think that’s the best way to describe our situation. It’s not really about finances or how much we love each other. It’s simply taking that next step. Together.

And I know what you might be thinking. “You’re never truly ready / prepared to become a parent.” We have both heard this 100 times from friends and family. Even strangers. (Gotta love those typical awkward questions and comments by the way.) But I totally feel that. I am TERRIFIED of the pain or complications that may come with child birth or not being a good mother that I constantly envision myself to be. Yet my heart is still on *fire* to have that baby.

I suppose my faith is shaken.

But I love this man through it all.

Just looking for another female’s experience or insight with this. If you’ve read this far, I’m sorry (lol) but thanks for listening to me vent. :)