Should I talk to my boyfriend about this? (Please read)

Question

I personally am very liberal and passionate about my politics/views on human rights. My boyfriend is liberal in his views as well but he’s not passionate about them and does nothing with his views. Absolutely nothing. I know some people aren’t interested in that kind of thing but it just frustrates me to not even see him sign a petition or educate himself on the struggles of any minority (he’s a white guy). 
What kind of crossed the line for me last night was when he said that he would stay friends with a racist, sexist, and/or homophobic person. 
I ended up letting it go because I am scared of conflict but I’ve sat with this overnight and I’m still really angry about it. I hate that my boyfriend would stay friends with someone who believes I shouldn’t have rights. Or someone who’s a rape apologist. Or even a blatant racist. 
I’m debating bringing it up again because I’m really upset about it.  But I don’t want to sound like I’m blowing things out of proportion. I would just really appreciate some input.

Accepted Answer

I think what’s really lacking these days is just respect for other people’s opinions. It’s ok to not agree with people and we don’t have to condemn people just because they don’t have the same views. As long as he’s a good person and treats others with respect that’s what’s most important. You don’t have to make political differences into a relationship problem.

Answer

I would not want to be with a man who would stay friends with a racist, sexist, etc. You need to tell him how you feel about that. You can’t change him if he doesn’t want to. But you can go from there and see if he is really the guy for you or not.

Answer

Humans are not inherently good. These hot  terms are thrown around at people for having a difference in opinion. That’s not right, period. If I incorrectly labeled someone because of their friends then I’d be a whole lot of things too....
I was friends with my rapist for years (yes, before the fact)... that doesn’t make me a rapist. My fiancé’s brother is a serial cheater, but that doesn’t make my fiancé a cheat. I don’t enjoy grasping at straws that aren’t there and I think more individuals would benefit from that.

Answer

You shouldn’t be afraid to have a conversation with your partner. I’d be concerned if I felt that way. Communication is number one in a relationship and you should be able to have open, honest discussions. 
You also cannot make someone political or take a stance on what is important to them. If his beliefs don’t align with yours and you cannot live with that, break up with him.

Answer

Are these friends he would stay with hypothetical or real? If it's a made up situation you would just be stirring the pot for no reason.

Answer

I’m going to say this because I saw a few comments that didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it. It’s not an opinion to be racist, sexist, or homophobic. Being those things makes you a bad person for you (I’m not meaning you exactly just you in reference to those racist/sexist/ homophobic people) treat people in a negative manner over things they cannot control. Which is totally not right. That given, if I my boyfriend was not tolerant and kind to other people about their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. I would break up with him. Yes we should forgive people after they act in those terrible ways but they need to apologize and admit they have been wrong first. They need to admit their blatant sexism, racism, or homophobia was wrong and they got on the wrong path. We should not befriend them without them realizing their actions were gross and inhumane. But that’s just my opinion.

Answer

Absolutely. Why would he ever choose to be friends with a racist, sexist, homophobe, or whatever?? Good people don’t associate with bad people. Period. The fact that he’s okay with his friends being shit human beings, either means he secretly shares those views, or he simply doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Would you still be with him if he was best friends with a pedophile and didn’t care what his “friend” did. He’s complicit in it all. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t see a problem with their friends being pieces of shit.

Answer

Better now then later

Answer

bring it up. if he would still be friends with people like that he’s probably like them. you just don’t know yet. if someone can stay friends with people like that then leave him !!

Answer

You’re scared of conflict so you let a behavior of his go but then you are directly upset because he’d do the same if he knew a friend was racist... I grew up in very rural farm country and the older generation makes comments that are sometimes racist. I don’t shut them out, I speak up. Two friends in particular from high school were definitely homophobic and have been in my friend group for forever, we are in our 30s now. What changed them was when I became the diversity coach for the school I taught at and kind of learned how to stand up to this kind of thing (yes, some people literally don’t know how to handle it, fight it, or just simply don’t like conflict). I always either just walked away when those comments were made or would try to educate but it wasn’t until I did ADL training that I really had the tools to do more than tell them it was disgusting to say those things. Now, neither of them make those comments, one was posting things in support of BLM on FB and the other ended up reconnecting with her cousin who came out as homosexual and she ended up being in his wedding. I can’t say it’s because of me directly but I’d like to think I played a part in it. Being bigoted is a learned behavior. My friends grew up with it and were a product of how they were raised. I, on the other hand, always had my mom there telling whoever made comments like that around me that they needed to stop and modeled that it isn’t to be tolerated. What we need is for people to change the way they think when they are set in their beliefs, not be sent away to continue with those beliefs with others who think like them. Unless my hypothetical friends are committing hate crimes, acting on their gross beliefs, or taking it further than a joke once in a while I can shut down or show displeasure for, I don’t see the point in cutting them out. If you don’t feel, though, that you two are compatible, don’t waste your time.

Should I talk to my boyfriend about this? (Please read)

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