More then vanilla??

Question

Hey guys! So my husband I have been having some killer sex it’s great but I am more into bdsm I love being tied up, choked, bitten,slapped, hair pulled & being talked dirty too I wanna be dominated I literally crave it. I’ve talked to him ab it a few times, even sent him porn videos & he says he would love to do it but all he does is choke me & most of the time I have to ask him & i don’t wanna ask I want him to do whatever he wants to me to completely dominate me. We use a dildo but I need more then that to be pleased he likes for me to suck the dildo & deep throat it while he fucks me anyways what can I do to bring it up again? I wanna experience rape play too but I don’t want him to think I’m a fucked up person but I mean idk I might be I was molested twice when I was younger🤦‍♀️ guys any advice on how to live out my sex fantasies without him thinking im a weirdo?😭😭

Accepted Answer

Alright, experienced BDSM person coming through. I totally get the vanilla boyfriend thing. My current boyfriend is "in training" to be a good dominant currently. The best way to get him to be more dominant is to show him how to be. Not in the sense that you become dominant, but while you're in the sheets, tell him what you'd like. If you're on your back, tell him to pin your arms above your head and f*** you like he hates you. If he's behind you, tell him to spank you. Guys who haven't experienced this kinda of stuff before are often hesitant because they are worried about crossing boundaries or hurting you. Just make sure when he does do these things, you respond positively. Moan, tell him thank you, do it again, or something to that extent. If you wanna get into restraints, start by doing something simple to yourself and tell him to use your body however he wants. Lay out toys you like to be used. If you're in to vibrators, butt plugs, electro stim, dildos, whips, crops, ball gags, pumps, nipple clamps, whatever, lay them out in front of him.  Guys often forget about everything that isn't the vagina when they're in the middle of sex, but by putting them in front of him, his brain will automatically assume he should use them. Guys are simple creatures. They use what's in front of them and they do better when they're given instructions. HAVE A SAFE WORD. I cannot stress this enough. As someone who's a switch (can be dominant or submissive), I have needed a safe word many times. We use three. Yellow (I like what you're doing but it's a little intense so let's back it off just a little), Red (stop whatever the singular thing you're doing is i.e. butt play, nipple twisting, spanking, because it's too intense), and mercy (we need to stop everything i.e. untie me and bring me some water because I'm about to have a meltdown). We rarely use mercy. I've only used it maybe twice and it was for reasons completely unrelated to what we were doing, like if I started to have a panic attack in the middle of it or had PTSD flashbacks. He's used yellow a couple times because I was choking him a little too much because I was so in to it. Make sure to respect his boundaries too. Guys have things they won't do just like girls. Sit down and talk about your "no thanks" column. Lastly, make sure you are both hydrated before starting because cramps ruin everything. Healthy BDSM relationships are all about consent, vulnerability, and pushing limits but not boundaries. Good luck!

Answer

You should do it to him, push him down and take complete control. Tie him up if you have to ect. You show him what you want done to you without saying it and maybe it will give him ideas on what to do to you next.

Answer

Teach him

Answer

Just keep talking to him but make sure what you want he is ok with too. Find the line for him and don't push past what he is into. Just tell him the stuff you want and that it would be nice if every once in awhile he took control and just did some of it without you asking. And let him know it doesn't have to be all the time also. But find out what he is interested in for him and not just what he would be willing to do to make you happy. He will be a more willing participant if he wants it too. Some of your wants he may never want though. Lots and lots of communication basically

More then vanilla??

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