How to incorporate my husband with using toys and a little kink?

I have a hard time orgasming without warming up the engine a little bit before we get at it.... and to be honest I am scared to completely let myself orgasm because I feel ashamed for some reason. I can by myself, but even with my husband of 7 years I have a hard time unless oral is performed first or we involve toys.. and then it does t last a long time not only with my husband but almost every other man I have been with and then its almost pointless because I never get off. I am very interested in adding some fun into the bed but my husband feels inadequate because I need outside stimulation and he doesn't feel like he is good enough? How can I make it last longer, more spicy and not make my husband feel less then?