Kind of a trigger warning for the first part here:

My ex about r*ped me over porn. Would verbally and mentally abuse me over p*rn. And cheated on me, his excuse was the p*rn (but those who want to cheat, cheat) because it was of a different race from me, and he cheated on me with said race when he went for a visit back to his home country. Any ways, when I got into a relationship with my now husband, I told him I had issues with it that I was working on and that it was a deal breaker. At the time he said he was fine, he didn’t mind because he had watched porn once in 2/3 years, just didn’t do it for him. But I just had a baby recently, and since the baby has came he’s been watching it profusely, even right before we’ll be intimate (I can tell by the browser history) or while I’m the one cooking & or cleaning the house or taking care of the baby (5/7 full days of the week, both night and day - the 2 days a week are when I physically can’t be with the baby).

I’m the bread winner of the family, he’s a house spouse, so maybe he’s bored at home. Idk. I try not to let it bother me. But he knows my history and my boundaries and he keeps stepping on them. I’ve tried to address it with him, like maybe cutting it back a bit (like before we are intimate, or if I’m up with the baby at 5 in the morning maybe give me a hand instead of watching adult content...) and he lashes out at me when I try and approach it calmly.

I’m not snooping either, he’s leaving his history open on my work laptop (btw, I work with children, I don’t want xxx sites possibly being seen by my kids or their parents!)

I really am trying to swallow my own feelings on the subject, but the more he watches and disregards my feelings, I feel more and more detached from the relationship.

I’ve offered to go to therapy together and separately. And he just laughs at it.

This honestly feels like it’s borderline addiction. (It was every day for a while there). He was even swearing on our child’s life that he wasn’t watching this stuff, even when there is proof there in front of me.

Oh, back to the ethnicity thing, my husband is now watching said ethnic porn, and we live in a country where we are surrounded by the race, which doesn’t help with my insecurities which have resurfaced due to the amount of porn watched, but I acknowledge that’s my own issue to deal with and want to deal with but every time I want to seek professional help, he laughs. While I’m the bread winner, he’s the card holder.

It’s not like I’m not putting out either, I was the one that would initiate sex 8/10 times (in ways HE likes), now he initiates it only after watching porn...

Am I bloody crazy? Because I feel like I’m going insane. I feel so defeated. Do any of you all who think I’m crazy, have any advice to help me get over this? Again, he’s the card holder, so he thinks it’s nutso to want to see a professional...