My fiancé is in his first year of a post doc. He’s been pretty unhappy basically working 20 hour days with no down time. He feels feels as though their not gaining the skills he wanted to get out of a post doc. He is also very far away from family and friends and me. I planned to move there but covid happened and now he’s too busy to have much time to see me so I’ve stayed here.

His post doc mentor has said he knows his post doc isn’t a traditional post doc. His mentor is actually someone he worked with very closely during his PhD who moved schools.

He was dead set on leaving when I spoke to him Friday, and actually seemed liberated and relieved, but then yesterday kept asking me for advice and basically was flip flopping back and fourth on staying or going. A lot of the grant papers he’s submitted are possibly getting accepted in the fall. He also doesn’t want to burn a bridge because they’re basically expecting him to stay another year.

My S/O said speaking to them about what they want out of next year isn’t going to work because they’ll tell him what they know he wants to hear and then not follow through.

I basically told him I’d support him in any decision but I don’t know what else I can do. Any advice?