I just don’t think it is normal to feel the way I feel about my job. I literally DREAD coming into work. I have cried countless times on my way to/from and at work. I literally hate it, and the best way to describe my emotion towards work is that I am completely miserable.

I hate my boss, I hate basically all of my coworkers (I do love a couple of them!!), I hate the room I work in. My stomach literally drops every time I get a phone call or text from work. My husband says I am completely different on the days that I’m off work but that I seem short and depressed on the days I do work.

I would also like to add that all of my bosses and coworkers love me and I am one of the best employees. NOBODY knows that I feel the way I do. I work really hard and do a great job.

I have been in this department a year and a half and currently I am feeling the most positive that I have ever felt about work...so imagine how I was feeling before. I have despised this place and the people in it from the moment I walked in.

It’s not that I don’t like my JOB, it’s literally just the people I work with! And I don’t hate them all as individuals I should add...it’s almost like I hate them as a group. They’re all low class and disgusting and they’re always fighting about racism and politics and making elementary sexual jokes. AT WORK. And I work in a very “professional” position, which leads to another reason I’m so upset. I have never ever felt this way about a job in my life. The anxiety and stress it brings me is brand new to me.

I went to school for a speciality and it was very long, expensive, and hard. I paid for it all on my own through years and years of waitressing all through high school and college.

I genuinely love what I do. I would just move to a different facility, but this is literally the ONLY place that does this type of specialized neurology healthcare in my area. People come from states away to be seen at our office. Since my husband and I have no intentions of moving any time soon, I have nowhere else to go.

I get paid really well and cannot make this money anywhere else since this is what my degree is in. My husband makes good money and we would be fine if I took a pay cut, but I just am having such a hard time knowing what to do.

My husband says that my mental health and happiness are worth any pay cut and that if we would be fine with less money then that’s all that matters as long as I’m happy and we can make it. He is so sweet and supportive.

I guess I just know this isn’t normal to feel this way, but I am having such a hard time telling myself it’s okay to leave something I worked SO hard to get to. I needed to vent I guess😂

EDIT:

(bc I want to keep this anonymous for obvious reasons haha)

I have gone to HR about the sexual,

racial, and political issues about a year ago. There was a meeting about generally cleaning up language/topics etc. which only helped for a couple of weeks. Went to HR again about 4 months ago- same thing. Another coworker who feels exactly how I do also went to HR about it. Nothing ever changes! It’s so frustrating. I have also directly had conversations with coworkers and they just laugh at me and say I was sheltered as a child?? Wth?? I also feel like my bosses use me because they know I am helpful. They will just automatically ALWAYS ask me to stay late and then if I don’t, they get mad bc they’re used to me doing what they ask.

Update 8/31/20: Well, I quit my job! I got an offer today with the same company but at a different office doing a job that is technically a demotion. But I AM SO HAPPY. I feel like I lost 50lbs off my shoulders 😭😭😭😭