I am a SAHM and I have 2 children aged 1 and 2. My fiancé works full time 7:30am - 7:30pm Monday to Saturday. So I'm on my own alot with the children.

Today has been a particularly hard day. Crying, clingy etc. They just both needed me all day. Nothing got done in the house apart from feeding them. They go in the bath at 6:30pm everyday so they are both in bed asleep by 7-7:15pm. Tonight I feel so drained of all energy and i just couldn't be bothered. Their daddy came home early from work at half 5 (doesn't happen very often) so they played and i suggested for him to do bath time and bed time on his own whilst I cleaned up from the day and sort things for tomorrow so I can't start the day fresh. Or visa versa (he cleans and I do bath and bed). He said we will bath them together and then clean together. I said fine. Its gets to 6:30 and he decides to go out for a fag. Said he would be 5 minutes so I waited 5 minutes he still wasn't in. So I thought fuck it they will be fine 1 night without a bath. So I got their pyjamas ready, nappies and milk. Got them ready for bed downstairs and took them to bed. 1 year old first then sat for 10 minutes with my 2 year old then took her up too at 7pm. My eldest started crying telling me no mummy no bedtime. She was screaming so bad she woke up her sister. By this point my fiance comes rolling in from sitting in his car for half an hour. So we are both with one each trying to get them to sleep. It took 1 hour.

And its all my fault for just basically rushing their bedtime because I'm so tired myself I couldn't be bothered so I confused them and they didn't understand. They have a bath every night. I thought one night wouldn't hurt it won't bother them. This has proved to me that they are such routine kids. Everyone around me has been on me since I had my first that I'm too routine oriented that they don't need a routine. With them being 18 months apart I needed a routine with them and this has just proved it to me that no matter how tired and drained I am I should always bath them until they are old enough to understand. So in hindsight the time and effort it would of taken to bath them would have been quicker and easier than trying to get 2 tired confused babies to sleep.

Now my fiance has gone out to help his sister and I'm left with a shit tip of a house, toys and pots from today. Washing to fold etc and I need to do it otherwise ill come down to it in the morning and feel worse and just have more to do tomorrow.

I want a break! And I have no way of having one. I was hoping to go for a walk tonight by myself to clear my head and just be by myself. Now I cant because he's gone out.