Are they even really my friends?

Jes • TTC baby 1️⃣ 👶🏻 💛

I’ve been friends with a group for a number of years, we met at high school. Back then, it was the best group of friends, we were popular and had so much fun (probably too much at times).

As times gone on, I’ve started to notice that some of them haven’t really grown up which in turn, makes me feel like a bad person when I tell them that I can’t make events etc. If this happens, there’s drama, bitching, arguments and fall outs which in can’t be bothered with.

Last year, none of them wished me a happy birthday but I couldn’t make one of their birthday’s and I was the worst person for missing it. I feel like I can’t win.

It’s really messing with my mental health, on top of the stresses of going through fertility checks, having severe hair loss and being stuck in lockdown and I really don’t know what to do.

None of them have asked me why I’m acting differently or even how I am so I’ve got all of this going on in my life, and a birthday party isn’t really my priority at the minute.

Other friends outside of the group don’t understand why I’m friends with them, they think they all seem horrible.

As much as I want to tell them all to get lost, I feel like it’s a hard thing to do and I hate being mean to people or hurting their feelings. I seem to just be a yes person be I’m never selfish enough to take care of myself, until now, but even that’s not easy because to them, I’m selfish and not making time for them.

I really need advice and support. I’m losing the will 😭