***trigger warning**

**miscarriage**

If you know me outside of this group please don’t say anything, as I’m already having a very hard time coming to terms with what is happening.

On Monday I went into the ER for some pretty terrible pains, they did an ultrasound showed I was 5 weeks 4 days, but the gestational sac looked a little irregular but there was a yolk sac as well. They tested my HCG the next day and it was at 2000, where it’s supposed to be but my progesterone was at an 8.4. They started me on 200 mg vaginal suppositories yesterday, I ended up getting very very strong cramping last night that just wouldn’t let up. My doctor told me to go in and they did an ultrasound. It showed that I was only 5 weeks and they didn’t think they could see a yolk sac anymore. But my HCG levels went up to 3000. (So a 1000 in 24 hours) it also showed a subchorionic hematoma on the second ultrasound. My doctor called me today and said she wouldn’t be surprised if I started bleeding over the weekend. Has any other mamas had this happen and everything turn out being okay?? What is your story?

Also mamas that have been threw this how do you get threw this? I have never experienced such a heartbreaking, gut wrenching, painful sadness. I have begged God for this to be okay. I have cried more tears than I can count in the last 2 days. I go between feeing such an overwhelming sadness that feels like it would be easier if I just wasn’t around anymore at all, to feeling like okay maybe I will okay. And I feel like maybe I’m dumb for feeling this way because I’m not that far along. I’m just so heartbroken.