Pregnancy is hard.

The first 18 weeks I was pregnant I could only keep down oranges and water. I was buying 5 pound bags of oranges every few days because I was eating 3-4 at a time as they aren’t very filling. Everything I ate made me nauseous and I hate being nauseous, I would rather made myself vomit then lay nauseous and be miserable so I wasn’t really eating anything else. Finally, after the 18 week mark I was able to eat without being sick but things started making me have horrible heartburn. I was eating Tums like candy every few hours just to curd the heartburn not even completely relieve it. I had gotten used to not eating certain things to avoid the heartburn when I hit 34 weeks and the nausea came back with a vengeance. Now I was back to just eating oranges which gave me heartburn and I was having to choose which was the lesser of two evils heartburn or nausea. Then at about 35 weeks my feet started swelling and I was having a hard time wearing any of my shoes. I had to wear closed toed shoes at work for safety and was having to force my swollen feet into them to make it through the day. I worked up until the day I gave birth which happened to be my day off. My water broke at 4:35 in the morning and we were off to the hospital at 5:20.

Labor is hard.

My labor started when my water broke, we got to the hospital at 6 am and got checked in and into the triage room. The nurses and lab confirmed it was my water that broke and got me into a room. I was checked a few times but only sat at 2 cm for a few hours, I had been 2 cm dilated since at least my doctors appointment the Friday before (I went into labor on Sunday). I was determined to have my baby without any pain medication and since I wasn’t really hurting at all at 3 cm dilated I thought I could do it no problem. Everything was fine until about hour 13 when it got so excruciatingly painful that I wasn’t able to breath. I was so tired that I was actually falling asleep between my contractions which were only 2-3 minutes apart at this point. I looked at Nim and told him to get the epidural at about 13 hours in. I remember at one point telling him I couldn’t do it because of the pain knowing not only I could do it but I also didn’t really have a choice. The nurse came in and started the IV fluids that came before the epidural and later on the anesthesiologist came in and did the epidural. The hardest part about it was the three back to back contractions I had while he was doing the epidural. Once he was done and i was feeling less pain the nurse checked me and we found out why the pain was so bad, I was fully dilated after only being 3 cm 3 hours before. Only a little bit later was it time to push, after about 20 minute of pushing our sweet little boy was here. Seeing the look on my husband’s face when he saw our son made my heart full.

Breastfeeding is hard.

Atlas was born 6 pounds and 4 oz, he was having a hard time latching because he was so small. We used a nipple shield that helped a lot and the nurses told me in about 3-4 weeks he would probably be big enough to latch without it. 5 weeks rolled around and no matter how hard we tried he wasn’t latching without the nipple shield. I was so discouraged even though I knew there was nothing wrong with using a nipple shield as long as my baby was eating. We also had to supplement with formula per doctors orders becuase his jaundice leves were so high. He wasnt cleared with good Bili levels until until he was 8 days old. I was also pumping in too do this to her a good freezer supply knowing I would have to go back to work. After a few weeks I wasn’t producing nearly enough and went through all of my freezer supply plus everything I was pumping and he was still hungry. Even after nursing for 40 minutes to an hour he was still needing to eat after he was nursed. I was so discouraged having to buy formula again, still knowing there is nothing wrong with formula feeding as long as my baby is full and fed. Not to mention I was so sore from pumping and feeding that my nipples felt like they were being stabbed with needles every time he latched. I have an endless supply of coconut oil to help relieve the pain. Finally just now at 9 weeks I have a decent enough supply to start my freezer stash again and to nurse and pump with little to no discomfort.

Parenting is hard.

We have had countless sleepless nights. More often than not Atlas sleeps most of the day and is up most of the night. No matter what we have tried it seems like we will never sleep at night. We are just now at 9 weeks able to get him to sleep 8 hours over night and even then if he falls asleep at 830 his 8 hour mark is 430 which still makes for a long tired day for me. I have had cluster feeding, the longest one being a 12 hour stretch that started at 5 pm and ended at 5 am with both of us in tears. We have been so tired that he only wants to nurse but is so frustrated and tired at he isn’t able to latch very well causing more frustration. After that I try to make a bottle but he doesn’t want it and we go back and for from bottle to boob until he decides which one he wants. There are a lot of times we let Nim sleep and head out to the living room to watch tv when he is wide awake all hours of the night. We have had constipation and upset tummies, we have had frustrating hiccups and times when he is so exhausted that he fights sleep and cries no matter what. But we have also had countless smiles and laughs, we have had playtime and snuggles, we have had a support system that has been beyond amazing. From our family and close friends who are always there to talk and help we could ask for better people to be there for us.

Pregnancy is hard.

Labor is hard.

Breastfeeding is hard.

Parenting is hard.

Nothing good in life comes easy. The best things take work and often times pain whether physical or mental pain. We have to make the choices that are best for our little ones and sometimes those are painful for us (ex. Breastfeeding). That being said even second of pain, every tear cried, and every moment of exhaustion is worth it knowing he is happy and healthy.

Mamas out there know that you are not alone, though our experiences are different we can still understand what each other is going through. If you need help, someone to talk to, or even just a break just ask. I can’t tell you how many times a day I call or text my mom to ask if something is normal. I can’t tell you how many times I have asked my husband to take the baby just so I can nap or eat. If you don’t have a good support system let me know and I will be your support system just ask.