Ok, so I don’t know how I feel about this and would like some other people’s perspective

I am having a party for my husband this weekend for his birthday. It’s a very small, outdoors gathering. It’s my sister in law, her husband and their daughter, and my mother in law, father in law and my husbands cousin. We are having 6 people over in total. And we will be social distancing and safe.

We usually bbq, but since it’s a party for my husband, I am just going to cook. I’m making baked ziti, chicken parm, garlic bread and salad. That will be the main course, and I’ll have apps and desert as well.

So my mother in law texts me and tells me she’s bringing lasagna and chicken francese. I was like that’s not necessary because I was going to make food, as I thought when you are hosting a party, that was the host responsibility????

She was upset, and said she is going to bring it anyway. I know she was upset that I was hosting the party, since she wanted to, so I said ok, since I really don’t want to argue since I know she’s already mad at me that the party is here.

So she’s going to bring her food and I’ll have mine

A little background-

We just bought our house, and I offered to host a holiday, which she shut down and said she does all the holidays

Her daughter does host Christmas, but she always brings the food. I thought it was just to make it easier for her daughter

In my family, everyone gets a certain holiday, and whoever is hosting it, will make the food. Other people may bring appetizers or desert, but the main course is from the host. I am not saying this is the “right way”, I am just wondering how it works for other people.

I tread very lightly with my mother in law, she is not the person to piss off. Plus I am very non confrontational.

And maybe it is a cultural thing, but I am not sure since we are from the same culture. We are both Italian- Americans, but it seems she is more “cultural” than us- for example, we HAD to get married in her church, we HAVE to have our son baptized immediately once he’s born. Is it culture, (well in those 2 examples, religion) or is it control?? This is not the first time by any means that we had to “follow my MILS rules”

I am not going to argue with her, and my husband already told me that in this family she brings and makes the food, so that’s that. I am just wondering what other people do. Maybe I am crazy for thinking the host makes the food, and the matriarch of the family is supposed to, and that’s standard for most families