We found out that we were pregnant late February, which was right before husband and I went into quarantine. I have been working from home since March and my husband (military) has also been home most of the time as well.

We waited a few weeks to tell family about our pregnancy with everything going on and wanting to get further along in case anything happened. Unfortunately, due to COVID and travel bans, we were unable to announce our pregnancy or gender in person an had to do it all via video call and social media (which was a bummer, but we managed and got over it).

When we told my family (first grandbaby on my side), my mother immediately got sour and asked why we didn’t tell her sooner. I brushed it off as her joking (they didn’t know we were trying) but it rubbed me the wrong way. When we later announced we were having a girl, she commented that the name we picked “wasn’t her favorite” because she couldn’t think of a nickname for it.

My mother is also constantly complaining that we live too far away from her for us to be having kids and that we better figure out how to get closer to her before our daughter starts school so she “doesn’t miss anything.” She is insistent that my husband can get orders closer to my family and that he’s simply not trying.

Mind you — we only live 4 hours from them currently.

We visited them for the 4th of July with approved leave for my husband and I was anxious to see my family. We are close, but the way my mother has been acting has put me off. Both of my parents touched my belly without asking (which I tried to brush off because I know they are excited) but they didn’t let up after my husband and I commented that I’m not a fan of any belly petting without permission. My sisters (younger) were more polite and would always ask to touch my belly or feel our daughter kick, which put me at ease by the end of the weekend. When we left, my parents said goodbye to the bump...

More recently, as we’re coming into our third trimester, my mom has really ramped it up. She is critiquing our nursery, saying that it’s not “girly enough” because I want Winnie the Pooh and blue/yellow florals and honey bees. She’s buying a ton of fabric to make her things, which I don’t mind, but she’s become a bit obsessive with it. She’s also been trying to plan our baby shower. I had originally had plans to do a brunch where we live for friends and travel the 4 hours to them to have an actual shower with friends and family back home. But, because of COVID and travel restrictions, it may not be possible and I’ve already made so many plans for our first pregnancy that have been canceled that I don’t know if I can’t go through with yet another cancellation.

She keeps saying that we’ll have it at her house and have a small gathering (listing off HER friends as guests, none of mine) and that for everyone who can’t attend, we’ll do a livestream. Again, all from HER house which is 4 hours away and outside of our travel area without approval (which I feel would be denied due to rising COVID cases back home).

The final straw was my mom saying she had a hospital outfit picked out for our daughter to come home in, showing me a pink onesie set with tiaras and princess written on it — after I had told her previously I was not a huge fan of the whole princess/unicorn/fairy theme. I am less upset about the print and more upset about the fact she felt that she deserved to pick out such a special outfit for MY daughter. She never even asked me about it.

I’ve been isolated most of my pregnancy and I feel as if I have 0 control over how I can celebrate and express how happy we are because of it. Now I have my mother trying to live vicariously through me. I’m really over it but I don’t know how to set boundaries with her.

I’m terrified of what might happen if I don’t put my foot down now because she’s been talking about coming up a WEEK before my due date to “help around the house” and then staying 2 WEEKS after birth to assist. She then wants to go back home and come back 2 weeks later for thanksgiving. It sounds nice, but I’m worried that she will be even more intolerable when she’s here living with us and take over everything.

How do I go about this? What do I even say? I’m not sure, but I needed to get this off my chest in hopes that someone else has had the same issues as I have.