How would you react? Would you break up?

Question

Let’s say you and your so have been dating for a year and he tells you when you two met he was getting off drugs, how would you react?
That’s just happened and I don’t know how to react. He started crying and said he’s been wanting to tell me for ages (he was a drug addict for 2 years but hasn’t touched them since we met just over a year ago), but didn’t know how because he didn’t want to lose me but at the same time he didn’t want to keep lying about his life. For instance, when we met and talked about college and all that he said he dropped out because he wanted to help out his grandma with money as she was struggling so he got a full time job. When in reality he quit because being on drugs he was falling behind and he could not afford rent because he was spending all his money on drugs so he needed more money to not get kicked out.
I’m glad he told me and I understand why he was afraid to, but at the same time I feel like a year is a long ass time to keep all of this a secret and cover up anything about your past from 2 years prior. I just don’t know how to feel about it all, he’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met and he treats me so well but idk...

Answer

Based on the choices in your poll, it sounds like he was right to be afraid of telling you. Someone's journey in addiction and Recovery are very personal and are surrounded by a lot of stigma. Your reaction is an example of that. He busted his ass maintaining his sobriety and hasn't relapsed. That's an accomplishment, not something to judge him for.

Answer

I think this is something he should have mentioned before you began to be exclusive. I get that he was scared to tell you, but I think it is deceptive to keep it from you. Trust is built through vulnerability and he wasn’t willing to be that until now. I wouldn’t be able to trust him after that. I think it was really rude for him to continue a relationship with you not showing his real self to you and not giving you an option to choose to still be with him or not knowing the real him. In my opinion, huge red flag. So now you know that not only is he an addict, but he’s not exactly trustworthy either.

Answer

Please correct me if I'm wrong. But he didn't lie/hide anything from you. Sometimes it's best to keep certain things in the past because of how it can affect the future. Seems that is exactly what happened and why he was scared to talk about it.

Answer

I would be understanding and be there for him and know that everyday is a struggle for him but hes doing it and do reschearch in way u can help him and learn to cop with your self. Why break up with someone cuz they have a problem and what it seems like that hes working on his struggle.

Answer

Honestly I feel like this is more of a thing of if that situation affects your trust for him or not. He might have just been really scared to tell you and afraid he was going to lose you especially if he was genuinely getting sober in the meantime. However, don’t let it create mental issues for yourself. When trust is gone, the relationship is gone. If you still trust him - work on it, work through it, be together. If you can’t trust him, that’s going to be HARD to get back.

Answer

You would be mad to leave him and not give him a chance! Lots of people keep parts of their past private (some things not quite as serious as an addiction) and that’s their choice. 
He’s told you now, I think that’s better than you accidentally finding out. Talk it through, by all means explain you’re upset he kept it from you, but understand there was probably a lot of embarrassment and guilt keeping him from telling you.

Answer

I don't think it's right not to say anything, but in that case I completely understand why one wouldn't.
I'd be way more upset if they hid being on drugs. And I've even tried to work through that with someone, but they wouldn't be honest.

Answer

Idk what I’d do. I’d be really bothered. That’s a long time to keep a secret and lie. What else is he going to lie about and for how long? Or what else is he already lying about?

Answer

At least he’s come clean. You came into his life as he was cleaning up so he probably didn’t know how to deal with telling you. I think had he started dating you sometime afterwards if would have maybe been more straight forward. Idk. Maybe I’m wrong. He’s been clean and honest that what I think matters the most. Be open with him about your concerns but also let him know you want to be there for him and continue the relationship (if that’s what you choose to do).

Answer

I think it really doeneds. I think you can work it out and maybe he needed to make sure your relationship would last before he told you everything. Trust your gut. If you feel he’s being completely honest, work it out. If you think he might still be involved in drugs, I’d say walk.

How would you react? Would you break up?

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