I have CRPS in my back both legs and feet. It affects my bowls and bladder as well. I've had 3 spinal stimulators. I am 32 years old.

When my husband and I wanted to have a child we ran into me having infertility issues. I always wondered if this was God's way of saying to me to stop and I wasn't made to be a mom. I was telling my mom this conversation and stopped me in my tracks and told me she would do anything to help us have a baby and me be a mom. That not to worry cause on bad days she will be here.

We had a baby boy, she was there for everything. I was in such good health I had my 3rd spinal surgery and correction. She helped me recover when I couldn't lift him.

My mom suffered a spinal stroke this spring leaving her permanently paralyzed from her chest down. She is in a care facility and because of COVID we can only call and face time.

I just found out I am pregnant again. We were just in shock as this was all naturally done. Today I am just sobbing I am in so much pain. I know it's hormones and I cannot use my stimulator. I have been up all night crying. I had to stay home from work today. We would have never had another if I wasn't so good in health. Just I am incapable of taking or using my stimulator during pregnancy.

I remember my mom's promise to help me and I am just so incredibly sad. I am so scared to how to juggle this all. I know this pain doesn't always feel this intense. Just when days go on like this and nights it feels so permanent and I'm do scared.