Abusive boyfriend

I posted earlier about how to leave an abusive relationship. I didn’t have time then to talk about it but now I do. I have been w him for 3.5 yrs. we have a 9 mon. old baby together. We just actually moved in together about a yr ago. Anyway he has always been emotionally/verbally abusive. Nearly on a daily basis with an occasional physical abuse. I’m constantly told that I’m fat, ugly, a bitch, cunt, you name it I’ve been called it. I do everything for our house. Dishes, laundry, cleaning. I get no help w our son. He will leave the house when he gets mad at me and will ignore me while I beg him to help me and to pls come home. I battle bad OCD, depression, and anxiety. He has sodomized me, r*ped me. Tonight he has hit me 5 times because I asked for him to spend time w me & our son. So he left, I texted him begging for his help, that I needed him, tried calling him only for him to turn his phone off. So when he comes home he hits me 3 times while I sit on the toilet and cry. Comes & tries to touch me while I sit in bath, I tell him no, so once again, I am hit another 2 times. Yesterday he shoved me causing me to go flying across the room. He hit me yesterday too. But then laid in bed that night and said no matter what he will always love me and he doesn’t mean to do/say the things he does. He is so angry. But then I don’t leave because I don’t want a broken family. I want my son to have a mom & dad. I don’t want my son around him without me there if we were to have to share custody. I think about the good times. 70% of our day is good. I think about how he is when he’s nice to me, when he loves me, the memories we have as a couple and as a family, the potential memories we can make as a couple/family. I can’t get the courage. People on here are nasty, will be mean to you because you can’t get courage. I know what I need to do. I just don’t know how.