Am I taking this the wrong way?
Long post ahead:
I want to know how others would feel about the situation. Perhaps I’m taking it the wrong way and it’s been bothering me for days.
Back story for content: my in laws are hoarders. It’s bad, they can’t part with much. The have a huge home but it’s really just full of crap and it’s very much like the shows only difference is they don’t hold onto trash and you aren’t walking over literal trash. Let’s say they have an item but lose it in the mess they’ll just buy a new or said item instead of find it or my FIL can’t get rid of newspapers or mail. It just piles up. Also my FIL is my husband step dad came into his life at 7years old.
This past Saturday we (husband, kids & I) had my in laws over for a goodbye bbq. Everyone has been working from home/school from home husbands brothers are going back to college so we wanted to have a see ya later small gathering. We kept our distance.
I ask my MIL “hey if you guys are willing can I have the table and chairs that are in your garage? Husband and I need a bigger table and I don’t want to spend a lot of money. I would just bring it back to life. Pay to have it reupholstered etc. It would be cool to have an old piece of nice furniture that could be given some TLC and last us a lifetime”
MIL: “FIL’s table? You want that? It’s pretty big and the base is ruined. It need a lot of work. It would be cool if we could save you guys some money. I would love to help, what about the farm house style table in the front living room? Would you like that? I’ll ask your FIL”
Me: “sure if you’re willing to give it up. I’ve searched online and I haven’t found anything I’ve loved or I love it but it’s too big for our dining room. Ya that’d be great let me know. I didn’t realize the table in the garage was in such bad shape but ya if you guys are okay with it I’ll take it”
Now my in laws have 6 tables in their home. 3 being card tables and 3 being tables that can sit 6-8 people. It’s literally just them two with their 2 sons are in college. However, I COMPLETELY understand if they don’t want to give us anything. They have no obligation at all and we can afford a table I’m obviously trying to recycle and save.
So before they leave she decides to ask my FIL in front of everyone about the table (I genuinely thought this would’ve been a conversation in private between them)
We discuss the shape of the table and all 3 sons (including my husband) talk about how decades ago this table was in poor shape and needs a LOT OF WORK.
FIL: “you want my grandmothers table? It’s from the 1940s post war. Made of (can’t remember the wood)”
Me: “OH ITS YOUR GRANDMOTHERS?! Wow I didn’t know that. I mean ya I would have liked it but everyone says how much work it needs and I don’t know how much that would cost and if I have the time to invest in it.”
FIL: “well I would really like to keep that in the family”
I felt like he was saying he wanted his biological sons to get it and it made me feel like now he’s openly saying we aren’t his family. I mean we’ve always kinda felt it (especially my husband growing up) but now this man said this out loud to our faces. I’m actually really upset about this but maybe I’m being sensitive.
I do also understand if he wasn’t ready to part with it for any reason at all but I do believe he could have chosen better words to convey that message. When he said that no one said a word, he didn’t try and back track my mother in law said nothing just “well honey we could give them the farm table” to which he never really said anything just kinda mumbled. I also completely understand they don’t have to give us ANYTHING. The next day I brought it up to my husband and he was upset about it but said there was no point in bringing it up to them because they will deny it or try and spin in into something else. Which is fine it’s his family (or not lol).
Am I the asshole for thinking it was so terrible to have said that to us?