So here I am, once again. It’s 10 pm and my husband is missing again. No text or calls since 2 in the afternoon. He does this often. Turns off his phone and doesn’t come home from work. He comes home around midnight or the next day, still drunk. And each time I forgive him. We have been together since we were in high school, and things have never been easy. There’s always been cheating, lying, and disrespect. I honestly don’t feel anything anymore. Just numb. I know he will come home drunk, call me stupid, stumble up to bed, and call me nasty names while i say “please be quiet, you’re going to wake the baby”. It happens every week. I try to be the best I can be. I clean, take care of our beautiful son, cook dinners, while he sits on his video games or scrolling through his phone. I’ve become a nagging wife. I’m not proud of that, but he just literally does nothing. He got kicked out of his friends house last weekend for being drunk and disorderly. People can’t be around him anymore because he gets too drunk, and becomes someone no one wants to be around. I wish I was strong enough to leave. I wish I had the money to leave, but I feel so stuck. Thankfully my son doesn’t see any of this, but that’s because my husband is never home. My friends are tired of hearing the broken record, endless advice I have ignored. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to be strong enough to start over. Loose my house, my income, everything I’ve tried so hard to build. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship, and have little faith they actually exist. I was raised by a single mother, and countless short time dads. I don’t know when to keep fighting, or when to give up. I need someone to lean on.