My friend is in an abusive relationship.

Let me start out by saying, I’m a therapist. I have worked with DV survivors and perpetrators. I know the stuff.

My friend of many years has always picked terrible relationships. The last one wasn’t abusive, but he never truly seemed to care about her. But she falls quick and hard. She dated for a while, but guys ghosted her and it ruined her self-esteem. One guy came along and he seemed smitten with her. So of course, she ignored all red flags and dove straight in.

I was skeptical. I researched this guy. I knew his record. But I also know you can’t judge someone by their criminal past, because technicalities happen and people aren’t their mistakes. Two weeks into the relationship, he moved in. Two months into the relationship, they eloped.

Their fights have always been terrible. I’ve always had my suspicions about abuse. I’m not blind to the signs, but it’s also a huge accusation to make. So, I just always made sure to check in with her frequently.

Today she confessed that he has been beating her for a year and a half. He has gotten her fired from several jobs due to showing up, calling excessively, etc. He takes her phone for days at a time. He threatens to take away her dog if she leaves, or that he will harm himself.

She’s not ready to leave. She knows she should. But she isn’t there yet. She can’t take her dog to the shelter with her. She is currently unemployed and he supports her. She is afraid of having nothing.

It’s all common. Textbook, if you will (though that feels callous). I’m not shocked by any of it. But it’s hard. It’s harder with a friend. I want to beat the crap out of her loser husband. I want to whisk her away and help her file a PFA. But she’s not ready, so I have to wait. Wait and support her and love her. And just pray that she doesn’t wait too long.

Just needed to get it out, as my heart is breaking for her.