I’m always there for everyone when they are crying , when they need something , when they “have nobody” & the truth is I’m broken and shattered an the times that I am crying inside the bathroom until I can no longer breathe are happening all to often these days. An in those moments I’m the one who needs someone an not a single person is there. I try and talk about it an I feel like I’m underwater I get nowhere nobody is listening to me when I’m trying to tell them something is wrong I understand that nobody is obligated to be there for me but It would be nice if someone cared what I had to say if I can be the one that doesn’t have to be strong anymore or go through it alone. Mentally I’m a mess inside holding it all together with a piece of tape but I understand now when people die from suicide and then you see people posting “ They were calling for help an nobody listened “ after you see a million people commenting that they would have been there for that person if they needed someone an etc ... ya well sometimes it’s right Infront of your face an nobody pays attention until you’re gone. I’m not suicidal or anything like that I wouldn’t hurt myself but I can’t say that I don’t understand where it comes from or how it gets to that point. The times I sit alone crying to myself having a break down the calmness that comes after these are thoughts that cross my mind. Like how I’m mentally just fucked up an I have to deal with this alone an try an find my own way out of the darkness. And that’s just gonna be the way it is I’ve come to a realization that I’ve been alone much of my life , still alone , and probably will leave the world the same way.