I'm 35 and have been overweight most of my life. I say most because there was a period where I was super self destructive and didn't eat but drank with friends at bars. (So glad that part of my life is over.)

I have been diagnosed with ptsd (from childhood trauma and my 1st marriage super abusive both physically and mentally) And an overeating disorder.

I use food to cope. Bottom line.

Some days I have good days and will eat under 2000 calories or right at...but I'll say exercise isnt easy. I'm sedentary at my job, and I'm not allowed to walk except for a 15 minute break. When I get home depending on the day, what type of mood my husband is in or if there is an overwhelming to do list, I shut down and turn to food.

I've been to therapy, it never makes me feel better, instead I feel worse because it brings up feelings that I dont want. I've had personal trainers, dietitians, and have been on countless diets, "lifestyle changes" etc.

It's come to the point I want weight loss surgery but I know that isnt going to solve the mental aspect. I KNOW this. But a lot of my self sabatoge is based on when I see my reflection, or pictures. Or if I hear a snicker or a laugh. (Even though it may not be about me, I think it is) my anxiety is at times unbearable.

At the moment I'm unable to take any medication to help because my ex husband can and will use that against me regarding my ability to care for my children. He's one of those "mental health isnt a problem" people. Along with a lot of the drugs used to treat mental health cause weight gain. 😔🙄

I want an easier way to cope. I've literally tried everything. If anyone has any suggestions that maybe I'm unaware of, I'd gladly take them!