I wish I could be normal for him

Growing up in a fysfunctional family with a manipulative mother and depressive father, I definitely have some of that ingrained in me.

I wish I was better, because he deserves better. My horrible jealousy from having attachment issues my whole life and constant anxiety and eating disorders disallowing me to feel free or healthy enough to pursue my own hobby and career so the only thing I care about in my life is him.

He’s so kind and always helps me through my lows but I can’t trust him. I always have my doubts and worries.

I wish I could be living a normal life where I didn’t feel this way because then I could be a better girl for him.

I wonder if we should break up so I can find someone I can trust more easily and someone who wont doubt him as much, but we’ve had so many happy memories together and it would hurt so much to leave. We have plans for our future but I don’t know if his patience with my issues will last forever.