so i’m 15 and i’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and i have panic attacks a lot which is something a lot of us go through i’m assuming. anyways, i just back to school after covid.

i’ve been freaking out more, it’s hard to get through the day without breaking down in classes. i’ve slept through a lot of my classes which i never used to do. cause even through i’m not really put together i’ve always kept straight A’s because that’s what my mom expected.

it’s hard waking up early every morning to a room where i can’t see the floor having to force myself out of bed 10 minutes before the bus comes. it’s hard getting to school and seeing everyone talking to their friends and realizing i have none. it’s hard getting back home to my brothers arguing and messing up the house i spent so much time cleaning. i basically have to raise them myself. the only thing my mom does is wake them up. i get home make dinner do the dishes, help my brothers clean their room, clean the living room and the bathroom, have my brothers shower and get in bed at a decent time only to realize i haven’t showered or slept much myslef in a week. half the time my mom doesnt even come home.

it’s hard

its hard having kids at school point out the cuts on my arm because long sleeve shirts feel suffocating

it’s hard having kids make fun of my hair and clothes. how i wear the same shoes everyday

it’s hard hearing my brothers tell me they hate me how i’m the worst and they don’t want to listen to me

it’s hard pretending like what they say dosent bother me and continuing to be a good role model

it’s hard when i tell my mom i’m not feeling good/ tired and she just complains to me about her job

i’m just so done but i’m to weak to kill myslef. i can only cut deep enough for the cuts to stay fresh for a week. i can never die.