So, I finally feel strong enough to leave him for good but im struggling emotionally and I don't know why! I feel stupid for feeling sad, mad, lonely and honestly I miss him. I feel stupid because I was with him 13 years of my life we have 3 kids together. He has abandoned me and my kids at a point where I needed him most (he left for days after I was released from the hospital after having emergency surgery from a ruptured fallopian tube I almost died surgeon said he was able to suction 4 units of free blood from my abdomen). He's cheated several times. And im pretty sure its more than what he's admitted to looking back at all the signs. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to the point where I was so broken down I tried to take my own life. He Tried to take my car when I tried to stop him he pressed on the gas while I was trying to get in my car and I ended up tearing my ACL he Left me on the ground and refused to come back to take me to the ER for my knee. Needless to say I ended up emotionally cheating. He found out and I was the worst human being that walked planet earth. I kicked him out and he promised to change. I obviously fell for it and got back with him. As he did seem to change with his abusive ways I still noticed his shadyness with his phone same habits he had when he was cheating. I was catching him in little lies And i just couldn't take being insecure anymore it was eating me alive in a sense. Obviously there is way more to my story I just felt like it was way to long. im having a hard time even tho I know its for the best for my mental health. Its been 2 days and he hasn't even bothered to check in on the kids. I guess here we go again on being a single mom. I know im not the first and I wont be the last but I never pictured my life like this. I feel stupid for being so sad.