Bad sex in the perfect relationship?
So for 2 (almost 3) years I have been with my current boyfriend.
He is the sweetest guy I have ever been with. He understands and listens to me, he makes me laugh, and he treats me like I’m royalty. I can always count on him, I suffer from a lot of mental health issues (and my previous relationship was very toxic and traumatic) and he has never once made me feel like an outcast and is SO patient. He’s held my hand through so much.
I’m so lucky to have him in my life, on paper we basically have the perfect relationship.
However the biggest issue (and pretty much only issue) is that in the bedroom we can’t seem to connect.
We used to have great sex, we would make love almost twice a day. He would go all night with me and I would loose my voice from all the moaning.
But this past year, he seems to have no desire to make love to me more than once every 2-3 weeks.
I’m lucky if he makes it to 10 minutes if we even get there. He used to be big on foreplay but now he’ll just kiss me for 6 seconds then just laadeedaa put it in. HE EVEN HAS THE NERVE TO BE OFFENDED that i need lube.
I cant cum. I haven’t climaxed with him in MONTHS.
I’m very open minded when it comes to sex (I’m very kinky) and he has always been very vanilla. I never would ever (or have ever) would push him to do anything he wouldn’t be okay doing. When things started out, we’d trade off and only do light bdsm. He seemed to like it and had no issues with this...But now he wont even talk dirty to me (or say anything during sex for that matter)
I have tried talking it out with many different approaches, but when i do he shuts down and wont even touch me at all. He blames himself and says things like “It’s my fault” or “idk what to do” or even “I’m fat and gross and can’t keep up”
And obviously I feel AWFUL, and i assure him that none of that is true and try to show him how. But he’ll argue with me and make me feel worse. I don’t want him to ever feel he’s not good enough, so I felt like the more I brought it up the more problems it made. (I’ll even admit he has a dad bod now but i find him attractive now more than ever)
I have tried incorporating new things or doing stuff we haven’t done in awhile (like watch porn together or have sex in his car) but he says he doesn’t want to or that he’s “tired”
I have tried seducing him and romancing him, doing everything that he likes and I ended up with nothing to show for it.
What’s worse is that i know he definitely feels dissatisfied too, as even now HE WONT CUM EITHER.
I started to think maybe it was me, that im too sex hungry or too kinky but I don’t thin
k happy couples are supposed to go months without sex or intimacy. I masturbated the first time in YEARS the other day and came SO MUCH AND SO HARD i had to stop myself because had I kept going it would have never ended. I felt like garbage after.
I don’t think a relationship as wonderful as this one is worth throwing away over bad sex, so I tried to just live with it but with every passing day and the more serious our relationship gets (he tells me he wants to marry me one day and we are trying to buy a house together) the more i fear that this issue will only get worse and only gets harder to ignore.
I love him so much and I can’t believe this is an issue for us.
(And please no hate or shame)