Having a really hard time.

I'm going to write this quick while the girls are settled. I do absolutely amazing letting the questions and comments roll off my back about twins. I can handle "better you than me" I can deal with "bet you got your hands full" as I'm trying to handle two screaming toddlers. "They CANT be identical, they arent the same size (sIUGR in baby b). All the above and more. You know the comment that is really getting to me at this point? "At least its not twins this time". I am a little over 25 weeks pregnant. With a twinless twin. I lost Bubs other half at almost 7 weeks. Went in to the hospital with heavy bleeding and clotting fearing I was losing this baby to find out that its not a SCH, but the loss of a second baby. At this point in the pregnancy im having a harder time controlling my emotions and letting it go. I haven't had time to grieve. And I probably won't. Most people tell me to let it go, at least there's a healthy baby. They don't seem to understand that a loss is still a loss and how it affects me. I lost a baby at 18 weeks about 7 years before I had the girls. I'm having a hard time with accepting that I lost yet another baby and don't have access to mental health care that I need. I dont know what I can do to help myself through this. I want to get a purple butterfly to represent the lost baby but since it was so early I feel like I dont have the right to do so.