I held her hand as she passed away

TW: death loss of loved one. For those of you who don’t know my grandma had been terminal for 7 months.

I need to emphasize what I’m like for y’all to understand what I’m about go tell you in the way I need it to come across. I am an introvert, I don’t like the spot light. I don’t like being in a room full of people.

When I grieve, I grieve internally.

These past couple of days have been extremely rough for me emotionally. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do is say goodbye to my Mema.

We knew it was coming today. And by that we knew she was dying. My mom has watched enough people die that she knows how it works.

At some time, something changed. We knew it was very very close. Minutes away.

We gathered together in a very very small room, and we all stood around her. I kept thinking, why is nobody touching her. I think it was just too painful for everyone.

This is the point where I have no idea what came over me. I went and took the railing off the side of the bed. I sat next to her. I grabbed her hand and rubbed her head and I said “it’s okay”

Everyone else was gone. I was in a room with about 20 people and they all disappeared. It was just me and her.

She kept fighting for a long time, and I was like just let go. It’s okay to let go. My family was talking about how strong she was. I felt like she was holding on for some reason, so I asked for the babies. My twin nieces and her great grandbabies. My SIL brought me a baby, and sat her in my lap. My niece was cooing and talking and I grabbed my memas hand again and said “the babies are here” and sh stopped fighting so hard. Seconds later, she quietly and peacefully let go and took her last breath. She passed away peacefully with me holding her hand.

That’s when my whole family grabbed onto me and I broke down.

I have no idea where I gathered the strength to do this. I have no idea what I reached into to be able to sit down, completely calm. Completely forget that I felt like a piece of me was being ripped out.

All I sought to do was physically comfort her on her way out of this realm. And this brings me so much peace that I was able to do it. So much peace. And I really believe that she is in peace too.