... about the abortion we had 16 years ago.

I was 17 and despite taking all the precautions, ended up pregnant. We were in no mental or financial state to have a child. Our families weren't either. There was just no way I could see us having a functional family unit above the bread line, so we decided to abort.

Last night, 16 years after the fact, he opened up about how it messes him up that we had to do that. He doesn't hate me or resent me for it, he just feels horrible that we had to do that. He kept saying, "maybe a baby would have brought the families together, maybe a baby would have helped him come right quicker, the kid would be 16 know, might have been a cool kid", etc.

I kept telling him that based on the situation and circumstances at the time, a baby would have made things WORSE. There were months were we couldn't even get by without having to borrow a bit of money for simple things like flu medicine! We managed to pay our ($300 a month) rent for our tiny little place but everything else had to be budgeted like mad. We never got any snacks, any extra drinks, any fast food, nothing because we couldn't afford it- how the hell were we supposed to be able to raise a child when we were barely getting by!

We were TOXIC when we were younger. We ALWAYS fought, my husband was ALWAYS drinking, I was ALWAYS crying and breaking stuff out of anger... That was no environment to raise a child in!

Even now, now that we're finally (but unsuccessfully, giving it two more medicated cycles before going back to the doctor) TTC I still wonder if we can truly afford it. We're in a much better, stable place emotionally, mentally and financially but I still think at the back of my mind if it's enough.

He thinks us not being able to get pregnant is karma... I tell him having an abortion when you KNOW the child will grow up in a bad environment is the most selfless thing you can do.

I've told him for the millionth time that he needs to go for therapy. Hopefully he listens to me. And hopefully when we actually manage to have a child he'll regain some self worth because he will be everything to that little person.

@Josephine there are almost three million children and babies waiting to be adopted in my country... Really don't think adding to that will have helped anyone.

@Lady Luck, I'm sorry you read my post as snarky. I'm really not. I'm not invalidating his feelings or anything, I'm just trying to get him to realise that there's no value in doing something that had to be done.

@ . You explain it very well. He's thinking a lot of the could have beens and possibly not even remembering the situation properly anymore.

@H sorry you had to go through that. Sounds extremely traumatic.